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Coco's Caravan

Thoughts from a widow: Our Last Valentine’s Day

in My Story on 02/14/23

It was the year 2018 and Valentine’s day was coming up. I was 7 months pregnant and things had been going well. We were making plans to go somewhere fun for Valentine’s Day because we knew it would be the last one with just the two of us before the twins were born.

Justin started feeling sick in the beginning of January and we thought he just had a cold. Cancer patients have bad immune systems and can get hit harder with the common cold during the winter months. We assumed it was just taking along time to recover, but he continued to get worse.

Little did I know that Valentine’s Day was the beginning of the end. I woke up that morning and he had looked worse and could barley stand on his own. Justin hated going to the hospital. I’ll never forget the day he had to start chemo again after being in remission for almost a year. We drove up that first day for his chemo treatment and as soon as we parked he opened his car door and threw up all over the ground. We weren’t even inside the building yet and he was already feeling sick.

That Valentine’s Day morning when I woke up and saw that he was feeling worse I knew it was time to take him to the hospital. We tried so hard to avoid it, but he wasn’t getting better. We called his doctor and she told us he needed to come in.

The house was silent as I packed up his hospital bag. Neither of us sharing our thoughts with one another, but we could read them by looking at each others faces. I tried my best at 7 months pregnant to get Justin who was 6’3 down the stairs and into our car.

I’ll never forget that drive to the hospital. I had to keep pinching myself to hold back from completely losing myself in a deep heavy sob. Instead one tear trickled down my face every minute for the hour long drive to the hospital. I think I knew deep down this was the end and things were worse than I had hoped for and believed.

I’ll never forget Justins eyes looking at me in that car. So much sadness and guilt. Wishing things had been different. Wishing he could be there for me the way he had always hoped to as a husband and future father.

That hour long drive was the last time we would be alone together for along time. Last time he would be able to breath on his own without assistance. Last time we were Jennifer and Justin.

Instead of spending our last Valentine’s Day together at a restaurant laughing and talking about how excited we are to become parents, we were in a hospital room and Justin was on deaths doorstep.

our last valentine's day together

I was never a big Valentine’s Day person, but it does remind me of our last Valentine’s Day together and that can be hard. I miss loving someone and being loved by someone. The loneliness can be overwhelming at times and it only reminds me of what I lost and what I could have had if he was still here. It can be hard day for me.

Our Love Story:

My Wedding Day
Twin Surprise Reaction and Story

You might also want to read:

First Valentine’s Day as a widow
My Story: Cancer, Twins, Loss, and Love
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  1. sofia says

    March 1, 2023 at 5:28 pm

    sorry for your loss

    Reply

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Hi I’m Jenn, but my friends call me Coco. I recently lost the love of my life to cancer. I’m now a single mom of IVF miracle twin boys. I hope to help others as I share my journey as a new widow and mother of twins.

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My aunt and uncle took the boys to visit my parent My aunt and uncle took the boys to visit my parents in Canada this week. I was so grateful because I’ve been able to work and get some projects done at home and my parents were able to see the boys! I’ll be sending an email out Sunday sharing more pics from their time in Canada. Comment “coco” to get a DM with a link to subscribe to my blog so you won’t miss the email!
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A year ago today I had a once in a lifetime opportunity to fly to LA and meet Katie Couric. I also met some amazing women and we were able to talk about the toll of a cancer diagnosis. Help people feel less alone in the cancer world. @katiecouric @katiecouricmedia #cancer #cancerawareness #cancerdiagnosis
Thought I’d post on my feed because a lot of you Thought I’d post on my feed because a lot of you have said you don’t see my stories anymore.  My aunt and uncle are taking my boys to visit my parents in Canada. I wanted a break and my parents wanted to see the boys so this just worked out so well! 

Going to be getting all the stuff done this week that I’ve been wanting to do, but I hope I plan in fun/relax time as well! 

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How I’ve been feeling lately 😞 it’s just to How I’ve been feeling lately 😞 it’s just too much! Anyone else feel like this? 

Maybe we aren’t suppose to be doing it all at once but when I let some things go I feel guilty. It makes sense we are meant to have a partner in life. Playing both roles is weighing on me. Hard to be mom and dad, managing the home, be the only income. At the end of the day if something needs to get done it’s on me. No one to lean on or go through it with. 😢 #singleparents #youngwidow #widow #parenting #lifequotes #quotes
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cocoscaravan

Working on a blog post showing how I organize thei Working on a blog post showing how I organize their Lego system! So make sure you follow along and subscribe to my blog so you don’t miss it! Link in bio to subscribe! Comment “coco” to get a DM to subscribe! #lego #legoorganization #toyorganization
Using the @rooandyou play couch as skyscrapers and Using the @rooandyou play couch as skyscrapers and bridges! #rooper 

Comment “Joey” to get a link to the play couch.
Comment “photo” below to see my full blog post Comment “photo” below to see my full blog post all about how to create this photoshoot at home. I link their suits and props on the blog post as well! I’d love to see the photos you take! Tag me! #easter #easterphotoshoot #easterpictures #easterpic #diyphotoshoot #kidsphotoshoot
Comment “Joey” to get a link to the play couch Comment “Joey” to get a link to the play couch! We have had so much stinkin fun with the @rooandyou play couch. We are doing obstacle courses, building forts, jumping and sliding! It’s been so much fun! #rooper #favoritefriday #playcouch #playcouchbuilds #ambassador #gifted
What’s your favorite children’s book for kids? What’s your favorite children’s book for kids? Went to the Library #libraryday #readingisfun #twins #momlife #dayinthelife

My favorite account to follow for book recommendations is @everydayreading go check them out! I love their account! ❤️
Comment “photos” to see my course. Also check Comment “photos” to see my course. Also check out my blog for more Easter Photoshoot ideas. Link in bio! #easterphotoshoot #easterphoto #diyphotoshoot #diyphotography
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