I can’t believe Justin made it to my delivery, for awhile we weren’t’ sure he was going to make it. This blog has been a way to share updates, but it has also been a personal journal. I wanted to write this post mostly for me so I can remember that day. I also wanted to share this video and story because so many of you hoped that Justin would be able to be at the hospital. Thank you!
I had a doctors appointment on Friday the 6th and everything looked great and normal. I woke up the next day and I could barley walk my legs were so swollen. I kept checking my blood pressure over the weekend and it started getting higher. By Monday morning nothing had changed so we decided to go straight to the hospital to get it checked out. We were pretty sure I would end up staying at the hospital so I brought my hospital bag. I knew it was hard for Justin to not be the one driving me there.
You can read more of my backstory HERE
Once we got there they checked my blood work and sure enough I tested positive for pre-eclampsia. That was enough to induce me that day. I was so uncomfortable I was happy to hear I didn’t have to wait another week to have these babies.
(I gained 40 pounds of water weight)
It was sad and hard not to have Justin there, but I’m so glad my mom was able to be with me during labor. Before I was induced I asked for an ultrasound to make sure both boys heads were down. I did not want to go through hours of labor to end up finding out one or both were breech. I was super relieved when it was confirmed both heads were down and I was able to try for a vaginal birth. Labor lasted 28 hours and I made sure to facetime Justin the whole time. I updated him on how things were going and tried to make him feel like he was there as much as possible.
With everything going on with Justin’s health we decided it would be best if he came to the hospital when it was time to go to the OR. Justin was on standby anxiously waiting for my call to come to the hospital. My doctor and nurses were amazing and knew my situation with Justin. My doctor said it would be fine to call Justin once I reached 10 centimeters and I would be ready to push as soon as he got there. His parents helped him over and as he entered the room I felt a calm come over me. All those prayers said for us the last two months to get Justin there had been answered.
Twin pregnancies are high risk and it’s hospital policy that I delivery in the OR. Even though I was trying for a vaginal birth they want you in the OR just in case something goes wrong and you need a c-section. The hospital is very strict on who they let in the OR. If there is a chance I go into an emergency c-section they don’t want a lot of people in there. The doctors and nurses knew our situation and let Justin and my doula be in the room with me. They even let my mom stay in the NICU room behind the OR. Everyone was so amazing and understanding of our situation.
The room was not very inviting with its surgical tables and big lights overhead. I was nervous and the sterile operating room did not help. But as soon as they wheeled Justin in next to me, I felt a peace come over me. His fragile hand held mine and didn’t let go the whole time. There were a lot of people in the room supporting me through each contraction. There were many voices in the room, but all I could hear was Justins faint voice saying “you can do this Jenn!” I focused in on his voice and it gave me the energy to keep going.
My contractions were long and the wait in-between them were even longer. My doctor mentioned after that he had never see contractions like mine before. During each contraction I could push four or five times. Everett had been posterior so it took awhile to get him out. I pushed for a little over an hour before I heard that beautiful cry. They cleaned him off and brought him over to Justin to hold. I was so exhausted at this point and I kept thinking to myself, “how the heck I am going to have the energy to do this again.” Seeing Everett in Justin’s arms was a good motivation to keep going. Once I knew Everett was okay I really worried about Marshal. I worried he would turn breech and I’m sure I was annoying asking the doctor multiple times if his head was still down. It was such a relief when he said his head was still down and he just needed to get him in position.
I think it was a good distraction that Justin and Everett were next to me because I didn’t realize my doctor starting to get worried. They tried multiple times to reposition the heart rate monitor on my belly and they weren’t able to find Marshal’s heartbeat. I heard the nurse say his heart rate was low and the next thing I heard was my doctor saying “I’m sorry Jenn.” I knew exactly what that meant and within seconds the room went into panic mode. I could see someone quickly grabbing Everett out of Justin’s arms and escorting him out of the room. I saw nurses moving things around and rushing across the room. I turned to my doula and I remember just saying “no no no I didn’t want this” as my body was getting moved over to the operating table. I remember feeling tons of pressure and then feeling really nauseous. My doula was able to stay by my side through out the procedure and explain to me what was going on. With all the drugs in me and everything happening so fast I kept going in and out. There was a time my doula got worried when I didn’t respond to her or wake up. She said the anesthesiologist had to pinch me to wake me up.
The next thing I remember was being wheeled back into my room. The nurse was explaining to me on the way that Marshal was okay, but still in the NICU. I felt so relieved when I heard that. It was so great to see Justin in the room waiting for me. They brought Everett in the room and I was able to hold him for the first time. I was still in shock and trying so hard to stay awake, but I will never forget that moment. Marshal was only in the NICU for five hours and they brought him in later that night. Our little family was complete and together and I’ll never forget that feeling of happiness. It’s probably a good thing I was so out of it during surgery because my mom said Marshal was blue when he came out. I feel so blessed to have had so many great nurses and doctors there to help keep my baby alive.
This was not how I originally thought my birth would go. I always imagined Justin holding my hand and helping me through hours of labor. I imagined a birth without surgery. I imagined skin to skin as soon as my baby came out crying. But thats not how it turned out and I’m learning to be okay with that. It was really hard to accept how my birth turned out. The last thing I wanted was to be recovering from two different births and it was a worry of mine from the beginning. It was a really traumatic experience and was causing me a lot of anxiety. Whenever someone started talking about it my whole body would start to shake. I had a really hard time accepting what happened and I struggled with it a lot. The first week I was home from the hospital I cried every night. I hated that I wasn’t able to get up right away to tend to my babies. I hated that I couldn’t carry them when they were crying.
I went to my follow up appointment with my doctor the next week and we talked through what happened. There was no way we would have known Marshal’s heart rate would start going down. He said knowing what he knows now he would have done things the same. When he was doing my c-section he saw that my uterus was way overstretched. He had to fold it in half and stitch it so that it would be able to contract back down. Ether way he would have had to do some type of surgery on my uterus and if not noticed it could have prevented me from having more kids in the future. After he told me this I felt a lot better about how things turned out. God has a plan for everything and I believe this was my story and it was suppose to be.
Despite how they got here, God blessed us with two healthy beautiful boys and thats what matters most. I feel incredibly blessed that Justin was able to be at the hospital when they arrived. There were a couple times when Justin was in the hospital that I really didn’t know if he would make it. I pleaded with the Lord multiple times to let Justin be there for their birth. I wanted him by my side during that special day. I feel so blessed and lucky that Justin made it. I feel so blessed that our boys are healthy and happy!
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Jisha minj says
your story is very heart touching. I appreciate those all the hopes, strength and pain tolerance. I know it is so difficult for you without justin. Everett and Marshal are so cute. you are the very strong women who gave twins birth in this very difficult situation. you’re very brave.
Lee Ann Fahy says
Coco, you are Amazing🥰❣️Your story made me cry. You are so strong and resilient! The Lord bless you and keep you strong through all of your life’s journeys. You are so blessed to have two baby boys. I am so sorry you lost your precious husband. The joy of your two boys is overwhelming 💕. I too was given twins, a boy and girl plus I had two boys, 4&6. Shortly after the birth of my twins I lost my husband to drug addiction. My babies were my saving grace from God. Today they are 26, 26,30&32. Your story is magnificent, a woman who endures hardship but reaps a reward of two beautiful boys from the Lord. I pray a mighty blessing on you in Jesus name😍🥰💕
God Bless you and the Boys. You are truly a rock star. I came across your tik tok and was curious enough to come over. I too had pre-eclampsia during birth and it was so scary, yet a relief to be induced for labor. I am so grateful that you had the support you needed after the loss of Justin. He appeared to be a real gem, but now he looks over you three and please don’t be afraid to find love again, sure give yourself time but Justin would want you to be happy and smile in your soul again. Be well.