Season of Life: Life turns out differently than we plan
I’ve been wanting to write this blog post for a long time, but I have stopped myself because I haven’t been able to find the right answers. Before I start talking about possible answers to the question I have, I wanted to first talk about how life turns out differently than we planned or hoped for. So this is part one of a series that I want to do because I think we have all dealt with this in some way or at some point in our lives. Read PART 2 HERE.
I’ve been feeling the most depressed lately than I have felt since Justin has passed away. I’m not sure if it’s the time of year that is adding to it, but it’s been hard to feel motivated to do anything. I’ve heard a lot of widows say that the second year was the hardest and I’m starting to see why.
The first year after Justin passed everything was numb. I didn’t allow myself to think about the future and what I was going to do. I told myself I would just get through the first year and think about all that stuff when I got there. The second year came and I was confronted with the reality of my situation. It was a lot to deal with all at once and it was hard to accept.
I never thought in a million years I would be living with my parents. That I would be alone. That I would be a single parent. I could have never imagined my life turning out this way. The reality is that my life is different than I thought it would be.
I would love to know how your life has turned out differently than you planned. One thing I’ve learned through starting Coco’s Caravan Community is that life goes differently than all of us planned. No matter what it is, we do all have that in common.
I would love to hear from you if you are willing to share. How has your life turned out differently than you had planned. Did you think you would have more kids? Did you think you would have a different job? Did you think you would be married by now? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below or on my instagram post. (You can also DM me on instagram if you don’t want to comment on the post.)
You can read more about my story HERE
I am 24 & in the middle of a divorce. I dreamed of the life I was living 5 months ago for so long, and now I’m standing all alone in life not sure what’s next.. all my friends are getting married & having kids and I envy them so much because that’s how my life was going, and now I’m divorced, and am having to rewrite my whole future.. all while having to support everyone around me with a smile on my face!
Thank you for commenting. I seriously can’t imagine how hard that must be. I get what you mean though having to rewrite my future. Its hard starting over.
Hi – mine definitely turned out differently. I married my high school sweetheart and after 2 years of marriage (at the age of 25), found myself getting divorced as all of my friends were starting to get married. I spent a long time being frustrated and, at times, jealous of the lives they had. I had always thought I’d be married with kids and doing it all at the same time my friends were. After a while, I realized I truly had to do what made me happy. So I embarked down the path of single motherhood, completely by my own choice and with the support of my family and friends. Getting pregnant wasn’t easy – I miscarried and then it took another 8 months to get pregnant with my son, who will be 2 soon.
When my son was only a few months old, I ended up meeting someone who would become my husband. It took 10 years and life happened a lot differently than I anticipated, but I truly believe it turned out the way that it was supposed to for me. The amount I learned about myself in the time I got divorced to having the family that I have now, was more than I would have ever known had my life turned out how I “thought” it was going to.
I moved to Canada quickly after I was married. I never even considered living in another country let alone living so far away from my family. The first year or two was extremely difficult being away from everything and everyone I knew and loved. It’s gotten much better as we have made friends, but we still struggle with help when it comes to the kids, like who to put as emergency contacts on daycare forms and missing out because we don’t have babysitters. It can also be hard when you know everyone is spending holidays together and you are missing out. Looking for little lights in the dark is my best advice. Those little lights begin to add up!!
After my first baby was born, I had a lot of anxiety issues. All new born mums were talking about how great life was, but I just felt really scared most of the time. I never imagined myself to be someone who would need help of mutiple therapists, who was diagnosed with things, etc. I felt so alone because no matter how people try to understand, I can only describe the feeling, not let them actually feel it. I have seen so many lows. Thanks to medication I feel much better now, but I am pregnant with my second now and really anxious about the future. So yeah, life took a different turn somewhere along the road.
I imagine I would feel exactly as you do if I were in a situation like yours. How hard it must be to get up each day without your person 🙁 I pray that your journey gets easier as some of your future questions are answered.
For me, I never thought I’d move away from all of my family and friends for my husband’s job. And doing it while I have 2 young kids. It has sure been difficult without my village.
I like to say- I had a 5 year plan when I was 25 and then it all blew up at 30 🙂 I just keep focusing on the blessings God has given to me through this path that is different than I expected.
Praying you can find happy moments in your current season of life to get you through to your next season!
My life has turned out completely different. 8 months ago my life changed forever. I was with my husband for 12 years. We had an almost 4 year old and 4 month old twins. I thought I had my beautiful family and it was now complete. Out of nowhere hubby tells me he doesn’t love me and leaves. I then find out he started sleeping with a ‘friend’ of mine straight away. I am still in a lot of pain and have a lot of anger. Who walks out when you have two new babies? He loves his kids and still sees them but i am still so angry. Some people would give anything to have the family we had and he literally just left. No talking about it. No trying to work it out for the kids. Thank god for my babies 💙 sending you love and strength x
My first/ only daughter died at a month old two years ago. Totally different type of loss and grief, but I will second the feeling that the second year was harder than the first. We have also lost connections with lots of friends and family who wanted us to “get over it” pretty quickly. Last year we decided we were ready to try again, and I have since suffered two miscarriages. All I ever wanted was to be a mom, and life is turning out different than planned.
You are amazing and I love following along with your journey. Your strength is amazing. I didn’t think I’d have health problems and have PPD. It’s okay though I’ll get through it. I’m thankful for the two babes I have!
so sorry! So grateful for babies to help us keep going.
I am also struggling in my second year of widowhood raising 2 little boys. I struggle with the day to day loneliness and grief and I’m really starting to grieve the future I thought I’d share with my husband. My future now is so fuzzy and I don’t know what it will hold and what my plans are. I’m still living day to day a lot of the time. I’m so grateful I’ll be with my husband again some day but missing him and our life together is hard in the here and now. I’m grateful you share your story and it reminds me I am not alone and that we can do this!
I’m 31 years old, married with 2 little boys and currently in the early stages of figuring out whether or not I have cancer. I was originally told before Christmas that it very likely was, only to have an MRI show it’s not. Then getting a surgery date and a positive pathology test. Now, I’m waiting for official pathology, diagnosis and an action plan. All I want to say is “why me?” Yet I know how strong and resilient I am and can beat it.
Never did I think that I’d be in such a devastating position so young, but know that everything happens for a reason. Your story is one of hope and courage, two things I absolutely will need in the coming weeks.
I am so sorry! The waiting can be so so hard. I hope things go well and I’m glad my story can help in some way.
My life has turned out way different than I wanted or expected. I wanted a stable life, and I married a man who has severe depression and anxiety, mental illnesses that have totally thrown off our senses of stability and security in a lot of ways (jobs, well-being, etc). I wanted to move forward at a predictable pace in life, but we are in our 30s living in government-subsidized housing, our first baby was stillborn, then after we had twins now we have been dealing with secondary infertility. We’ve had so many financial and life trials already, and while I learn continually to be content and happy with where we are in our lives, it’s nothing like I expected.
I waited many years after all of my other friends to get married. I found an AMAZING man, who has the patience of Job! He is so kind, loving, and treats me like a queen. He also has severe anxiety, to the point that he will have seizures. He is unable to work so I am the bread winner right now. I LOVE him, but I hate that this is my life right now. I have had so many confirmations that I am in the right place, with the right person, at the right job. I have had so many confirmations that things will get better and that our roles will be reversed, but the waiting… OH the waiting! I guess times like these really teach us that our lives are in the Lord’s hands. He knows what is best, even if we hate it. It will all be better for us in the end.
Well, i always wanted to be married young, but my life didn’t go as planned. I served a mission, graduated college and started my career in the stainless steel business. My husband didn’t show up until we were both almost 30. We got married and started to try to have a family. Again, things didn’t go as planned and we had several miscarriages. At 35 we had our first and then our second was born when I was 37: 3rd at 39 and now I’m having #4 at 40. I’m still working and momming and life is so different than what I had anticipated. It has taken me a long time to embrace what is and enjoy my journey. Those dark moments when life doesn’t go as planned are painful.
I love reading your Blog and seeing the amazing woman and mom you’ve turned into. I’m sure you don’t remember me, but I used to babysit your sisters and you when you lived in Frankfort, IL. Maiden name was Willis.
I am 34 and it’s been 8 years since my mother passed away from cancer. I have two sweet baby boys who will never know her. I never expected to get married or have kids and though I am so grateful for my sweet husband and beautiful children I am still not fine with the fact that she is gone. I am feel whole now and I know she is happy where she is but I think there will always be a void where she should be in my life. Nothing feels complete without her but it’s ok because that’s love ya know?
Life has definitely turned, twisted and flipped upside down, since my husband passed away, tragically last summer.
Every day is a challenge of learning how to do motherhood, without my amazing teammate and best friend by my side.
Ive recently joined a GriefShare support group…and my eyes have been opened to the tremendous loss many others have experienced. It just assures me I’m not alone in this broken world & my loss is not as uncommon as I thought — how terribly sad to realize so many have lost a spouse like we have!
I want my husband to be so proud of the choices and life I create for our son. This is a motivation for me to keep trying my best, with what God has given me. I have a strong, healthy son, a home, my own healthy body, and beyond supportive family helping us stand up every single day. I want to thank them more and try not to worry about a future that’s unknown. Ill choose to have Hope. Hugs to you and yours!! Thank you for being so vulnerable & transparent about your journey. We love you! T&G
I think one of the biggest disservices I’ve ever done to myself was anticipate that “normal” life. You know, married, bunch of kids, running around to soccer games and taking weekend road trips. Nothing fancy, it’s just what everybody has. (Cough cough… What a lie! Why did I ever think it would be so easy or that all that stuff would just COME)
When I got chronically ill it blew all of those plans to shreds. I’ve been sick for 15 years now and I still look around and think- how did THIS happen? How is this MY life? This is not who I am.
Sometimes when I’ve been especially sick I look in the mirror and am actually surprised that this is me. It’s almost like I expect to snap out of it, the way you do after a really intense movie ends and then you stand up and walk back to real life.
So many aspects of my life changed because of my health ( I can’t hold a job, can’t take care of my son, we will always have mountains of medical expenses to pay so we will always live a much simpler life than our peers…etc) but I think the hardest part is that my illness killed off a part of who I was. I was a planner. I was independent. I was dependable. I actually thought that if you worked hard enough, you could make anything happen. I can’t be that person any more and it’s hard to just force yourself into a new role.
I think you are doing such a good job finding your own new role. I see you fighting for what is important to you despite everything and I’m always so impressed by it!
You are an amazing lady. I love that you put this question out there. Things definitely turned out differently than planned. When I tried to get pregnant I ended up having cancer. I was married 7 years already. I ended up beating the cancer with few setbacks and becoming a mom at the ripe old age of 38. I was not planning on being an older mom though my husband supported me. I eventually came to terms being sick and having my son when I did makes me into the woman I am today. Life can be hard at times.
2 days after we told my mom she was going to be a grandma for the first time she was diagnosed with leukemia. I was 38 weeks pregnant when she passed. I never imagined I would become a mom while simultaneously losing my own mom. Knowing my kids will never meet her is a reality I’m fighting to accept everyday. Nothing is guaranteed in this world, not even tomorrow. I’m thankful to have a steadfast anchor in Christ through these trials. He is the only thing that can’t be moved.
I had my 1st child 2 years ago at 36 weeks. At the time I was an Elementary teacher. I was at school on a Friday saying goodbye to the kids see you on Monday doing our usual routine. But by Saturday evening I was in the hospital in labor. While in labor, I had a real sense of peace that everything was going to be alright and used humor to cope with everything. Before going to the hospital my husband had been at a good friends funeral who had committed suicide. So he was overly tired but super helpful. Once I felt some strong pains he held my hand and thought we needed to get a nurse. She got the team together about 10 different people walked in the room. 3 NICU teams members, and then several other nurses and my dr. My dr was on call that day so that gave me even more peace. Delivery was so peaceful and was a typical by the book birth. The hospital stay was good and everyone was so helpful. With my baby coming a month early I decided to resign from my teaching job after about 3 weeks of giving birth. Now I had planned on staying home with my baby but it seemed so much harder since it wasnt on my terms. That brought on a great level of anxiety that I’m just starting to feel like myself again. Around St Patrick’s day I decided to take my baby in and see my students. It was hard because the teacher taking over really changed the entire classroom.. took down pictures of the students from our accomplishment board. Moved the teacher desk along with throwing away student notes that I had on the bulletin board. It really is all trivial and I still have memories of my students in my heart. My baby was super healthy but it was so hard for me to let the teacher part of me go. I felt like I let my students down. I didnt get to leave on my own terms. I struggled these past 2 years but am finally starting to fit into my role as a stay at home mom. I think we all have things we have to work thru and we just have to learn to take baby steps each day! I am learning that sometimes being productive can mean just snuggling on the couch with a baby in footie pajamas. Being productive can be investing in others!
I also taught school and I can totally understand that feeling of letting them down. It just shows how great of a teacher you were! Thank you for sharing this!
I just read this quote and thought of you
“ If you think of change as derailing, that says a lot about how you view your life. But here’s the thing: there is no track, so nothing can be derailed. Change was always going to happen, again and again and again. It’s happening right this moment. Travel with it. Keep moving.”—Poet Maggie Smith
If someone would have told me a few years ago I would have 3 kids (with two different guys, the second whom I’m married to) and working with elderly people and soon starting school again at the age of 32 to become a nurse I don’t think I would have believed him or her. My husband also work in a different city so most of the time I’m alone with the twins most of the time while working full time and soon school full time. It’s hard sometimes and sometimes I just wanna lay down and cry but I fight through it and in the end of the it is all worth it.
I was with my ex husband for 10 years (married for 3 1/2) and 29 when he told me he was done and wanted a divorce. It came out of left field and our son was 10 months old. I traveled a lot for work so I moved in my parents as they could help with my son. Fast forward 2 years, my ex has not been in my sons life since the divorce, I was laid off from my job, depleted my 401k while I was unemployed for 8 months, started a new career in teaching (better schedule for my son) and I still live with my parents. Life is nothing like I thought it would be and I feel “behind” especially because I am with my parents but I just remind myself that everyone has their own journey and this is mine for right now!