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Coco's Caravan

Season of Life Part 1

in My Story on 02/05/20

Season of Life: Life turns out differently than we plan

I’ve been wanting to write this blog post for a long time, but I have stopped myself because I haven’t been able to find the right answers. Before I start talking about possible answers to the question I have, I wanted to first talk about how life turns out differently than we planned or hoped for. So this is part one of a series that I want to do because I think we have all dealt with this in some way or at some point in our lives. Read PART 2 HERE.

I’ve been feeling the most depressed lately than I have felt since Justin has passed away. I’m not sure if it’s the time of year that is adding to it, but it’s been hard to feel motivated to do anything. I’ve heard a lot of widows say that the second year was the hardest and I’m starting to see why.

The first year after Justin passed everything was numb. I didn’t allow myself to think about the future and what I was going to do. I told myself I would just get through the first year and think about all that stuff when I got there. The second year came and I was confronted with the reality of my situation. It was a lot to deal with all at once and it was hard to accept.

I never thought in a million years I would be living with my parents. That I would be alone. That I would be a single parent. I could have never imagined my life turning out this way. The reality is that my life is different than I thought it would be. 

I would love to know how your life has turned out differently than you planned. One thing I’ve learned through starting Coco’s Caravan Community is that life goes differently than all of us planned. No matter what it is, we do all have that in common. 

 I would love to hear from you if you are willing to share. How has your life turned out differently than you had planned. Did you think you would have more kids? Did you think you would have a different job? Did you think you would be married by now? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below or on my instagram post. (You can also DM me on instagram if you don’t want to comment on the post.)

You can read more about my story HERE

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Comments

  1. Kayla says

    February 5, 2020 at 3:05 pm

    I am 24 & in the middle of a divorce. I dreamed of the life I was living 5 months ago for so long, and now I’m standing all alone in life not sure what’s next.. all my friends are getting married & having kids and I envy them so much because that’s how my life was going, and now I’m divorced, and am having to rewrite my whole future.. all while having to support everyone around me with a smile on my face!

    Reply
    • cocoscaravan says

      February 5, 2020 at 3:08 pm

      Thank you for commenting. I seriously can’t imagine how hard that must be. I get what you mean though having to rewrite my future. Its hard starting over.

      Reply
  2. E says

    February 5, 2020 at 3:15 pm

    Hi – mine definitely turned out differently. I married my high school sweetheart and after 2 years of marriage (at the age of 25), found myself getting divorced as all of my friends were starting to get married. I spent a long time being frustrated and, at times, jealous of the lives they had. I had always thought I’d be married with kids and doing it all at the same time my friends were. After a while, I realized I truly had to do what made me happy. So I embarked down the path of single motherhood, completely by my own choice and with the support of my family and friends. Getting pregnant wasn’t easy – I miscarried and then it took another 8 months to get pregnant with my son, who will be 2 soon.

    When my son was only a few months old, I ended up meeting someone who would become my husband. It took 10 years and life happened a lot differently than I anticipated, but I truly believe it turned out the way that it was supposed to for me. The amount I learned about myself in the time I got divorced to having the family that I have now, was more than I would have ever known had my life turned out how I “thought” it was going to.

    Reply
  3. Gabby says

    February 5, 2020 at 3:19 pm

    I moved to Canada quickly after I was married. I never even considered living in another country let alone living so far away from my family. The first year or two was extremely difficult being away from everything and everyone I knew and loved. It’s gotten much better as we have made friends, but we still struggle with help when it comes to the kids, like who to put as emergency contacts on daycare forms and missing out because we don’t have babysitters. It can also be hard when you know everyone is spending holidays together and you are missing out. Looking for little lights in the dark is my best advice. Those little lights begin to add up!!

    Reply
  4. Rosanne says

    February 5, 2020 at 3:19 pm

    After my first baby was born, I had a lot of anxiety issues. All new born mums were talking about how great life was, but I just felt really scared most of the time. I never imagined myself to be someone who would need help of mutiple therapists, who was diagnosed with things, etc. I felt so alone because no matter how people try to understand, I can only describe the feeling, not let them actually feel it. I have seen so many lows. Thanks to medication I feel much better now, but I am pregnant with my second now and really anxious about the future. So yeah, life took a different turn somewhere along the road.

    Reply
  5. Bri says

    February 5, 2020 at 3:23 pm

    I imagine I would feel exactly as you do if I were in a situation like yours. How hard it must be to get up each day without your person 🙁 I pray that your journey gets easier as some of your future questions are answered.
    For me, I never thought I’d move away from all of my family and friends for my husband’s job. And doing it while I have 2 young kids. It has sure been difficult without my village.
    I like to say- I had a 5 year plan when I was 25 and then it all blew up at 30 🙂 I just keep focusing on the blessings God has given to me through this path that is different than I expected.
    Praying you can find happy moments in your current season of life to get you through to your next season!

    Reply
  6. Stacey says

    February 5, 2020 at 3:26 pm

    My life has turned out completely different. 8 months ago my life changed forever. I was with my husband for 12 years. We had an almost 4 year old and 4 month old twins. I thought I had my beautiful family and it was now complete. Out of nowhere hubby tells me he doesn’t love me and leaves. I then find out he started sleeping with a ‘friend’ of mine straight away. I am still in a lot of pain and have a lot of anger. Who walks out when you have two new babies? He loves his kids and still sees them but i am still so angry. Some people would give anything to have the family we had and he literally just left. No talking about it. No trying to work it out for the kids. Thank god for my babies 💙 sending you love and strength x

    Reply
  7. Kate says

    February 5, 2020 at 3:38 pm

    My first/ only daughter died at a month old two years ago. Totally different type of loss and grief, but I will second the feeling that the second year was harder than the first. We have also lost connections with lots of friends and family who wanted us to “get over it” pretty quickly. Last year we decided we were ready to try again, and I have since suffered two miscarriages. All I ever wanted was to be a mom, and life is turning out different than planned.

    Reply
  8. Kadi says

    February 5, 2020 at 3:49 pm

    You are amazing and I love following along with your journey. Your strength is amazing. I didn’t think I’d have health problems and have PPD. It’s okay though I’ll get through it. I’m thankful for the two babes I have!

    Reply
    • cocoscaravan says

      February 5, 2020 at 4:24 pm

      so sorry! So grateful for babies to help us keep going.

      Reply
    • Kaylyn says

      February 5, 2020 at 7:39 pm

      I am also struggling in my second year of widowhood raising 2 little boys. I struggle with the day to day loneliness and grief and I’m really starting to grieve the future I thought I’d share with my husband. My future now is so fuzzy and I don’t know what it will hold and what my plans are. I’m still living day to day a lot of the time. I’m so grateful I’ll be with my husband again some day but missing him and our life together is hard in the here and now. I’m grateful you share your story and it reminds me I am not alone and that we can do this!

      Reply
  9. Renée says

    February 5, 2020 at 4:00 pm

    I’m 31 years old, married with 2 little boys and currently in the early stages of figuring out whether or not I have cancer. I was originally told before Christmas that it very likely was, only to have an MRI show it’s not. Then getting a surgery date and a positive pathology test. Now, I’m waiting for official pathology, diagnosis and an action plan. All I want to say is “why me?” Yet I know how strong and resilient I am and can beat it.

    Never did I think that I’d be in such a devastating position so young, but know that everything happens for a reason. Your story is one of hope and courage, two things I absolutely will need in the coming weeks.

    Reply
    • cocoscaravan says

      February 5, 2020 at 4:22 pm

      I am so sorry! The waiting can be so so hard. I hope things go well and I’m glad my story can help in some way.

      Reply
  10. Ashley Roth says

    February 5, 2020 at 4:29 pm

    My life has turned out way different than I wanted or expected. I wanted a stable life, and I married a man who has severe depression and anxiety, mental illnesses that have totally thrown off our senses of stability and security in a lot of ways (jobs, well-being, etc). I wanted to move forward at a predictable pace in life, but we are in our 30s living in government-subsidized housing, our first baby was stillborn, then after we had twins now we have been dealing with secondary infertility. We’ve had so many financial and life trials already, and while I learn continually to be content and happy with where we are in our lives, it’s nothing like I expected.

    Reply
  11. Ashlee says

    February 5, 2020 at 5:02 pm

    I waited many years after all of my other friends to get married. I found an AMAZING man, who has the patience of Job! He is so kind, loving, and treats me like a queen. He also has severe anxiety, to the point that he will have seizures. He is unable to work so I am the bread winner right now. I LOVE him, but I hate that this is my life right now. I have had so many confirmations that I am in the right place, with the right person, at the right job. I have had so many confirmations that things will get better and that our roles will be reversed, but the waiting… OH the waiting! I guess times like these really teach us that our lives are in the Lord’s hands. He knows what is best, even if we hate it. It will all be better for us in the end.

    Reply
  12. Rachel Allen says

    February 5, 2020 at 6:20 pm

    Well, i always wanted to be married young, but my life didn’t go as planned. I served a mission, graduated college and started my career in the stainless steel business. My husband didn’t show up until we were both almost 30. We got married and started to try to have a family. Again, things didn’t go as planned and we had several miscarriages. At 35 we had our first and then our second was born when I was 37: 3rd at 39 and now I’m having #4 at 40. I’m still working and momming and life is so different than what I had anticipated. It has taken me a long time to embrace what is and enjoy my journey. Those dark moments when life doesn’t go as planned are painful.

    I love reading your Blog and seeing the amazing woman and mom you’ve turned into. I’m sure you don’t remember me, but I used to babysit your sisters and you when you lived in Frankfort, IL. Maiden name was Willis.

    Reply
  13. Jo says

    February 5, 2020 at 6:31 pm

    I am 34 and it’s been 8 years since my mother passed away from cancer. I have two sweet baby boys who will never know her. I never expected to get married or have kids and though I am so grateful for my sweet husband and beautiful children I am still not fine with the fact that she is gone. I am feel whole now and I know she is happy where she is but I think there will always be a void where she should be in my life. Nothing feels complete without her but it’s ok because that’s love ya know?

    Reply
  14. Tiffany says

    February 5, 2020 at 6:49 pm

    Life has definitely turned, twisted and flipped upside down, since my husband passed away, tragically last summer.

    Every day is a challenge of learning how to do motherhood, without my amazing teammate and best friend by my side.

    Ive recently joined a GriefShare support group…and my eyes have been opened to the tremendous loss many others have experienced. It just assures me I’m not alone in this broken world & my loss is not as uncommon as I thought — how terribly sad to realize so many have lost a spouse like we have!

    I want my husband to be so proud of the choices and life I create for our son. This is a motivation for me to keep trying my best, with what God has given me. I have a strong, healthy son, a home, my own healthy body, and beyond supportive family helping us stand up every single day. I want to thank them more and try not to worry about a future that’s unknown. Ill choose to have Hope. Hugs to you and yours!! Thank you for being so vulnerable & transparent about your journey. We love you! T&G

    Reply
  15. Jessica says

    February 5, 2020 at 7:14 pm

    I think one of the biggest disservices I’ve ever done to myself was anticipate that “normal” life. You know, married, bunch of kids, running around to soccer games and taking weekend road trips. Nothing fancy, it’s just what everybody has. (Cough cough… What a lie! Why did I ever think it would be so easy or that all that stuff would just COME)

    When I got chronically ill it blew all of those plans to shreds. I’ve been sick for 15 years now and I still look around and think- how did THIS happen? How is this MY life? This is not who I am.

    Sometimes when I’ve been especially sick I look in the mirror and am actually surprised that this is me. It’s almost like I expect to snap out of it, the way you do after a really intense movie ends and then you stand up and walk back to real life.

    So many aspects of my life changed because of my health ( I can’t hold a job, can’t take care of my son, we will always have mountains of medical expenses to pay so we will always live a much simpler life than our peers…etc) but I think the hardest part is that my illness killed off a part of who I was. I was a planner. I was independent. I was dependable. I actually thought that if you worked hard enough, you could make anything happen. I can’t be that person any more and it’s hard to just force yourself into a new role.

    I think you are doing such a good job finding your own new role. I see you fighting for what is important to you despite everything and I’m always so impressed by it!

    Reply
  16. christina says

    February 5, 2020 at 9:09 pm

    You are an amazing lady. I love that you put this question out there. Things definitely turned out differently than planned. When I tried to get pregnant I ended up having cancer. I was married 7 years already. I ended up beating the cancer with few setbacks and becoming a mom at the ripe old age of 38. I was not planning on being an older mom though my husband supported me. I eventually came to terms being sick and having my son when I did makes me into the woman I am today. Life can be hard at times.

    Reply
  17. Elizabeth says

    February 5, 2020 at 10:36 pm

    2 days after we told my mom she was going to be a grandma for the first time she was diagnosed with leukemia. I was 38 weeks pregnant when she passed. I never imagined I would become a mom while simultaneously losing my own mom. Knowing my kids will never meet her is a reality I’m fighting to accept everyday. Nothing is guaranteed in this world, not even tomorrow. I’m thankful to have a steadfast anchor in Christ through these trials. He is the only thing that can’t be moved.

    Reply
  18. Sarah says

    February 5, 2020 at 11:24 pm

    I had my 1st child 2 years ago at 36 weeks. At the time I was an Elementary teacher. I was at school on a Friday saying goodbye to the kids see you on Monday doing our usual routine. But by Saturday evening I was in the hospital in labor. While in labor, I had a real sense of peace that everything was going to be alright and used humor to cope with everything. Before going to the hospital my husband had been at a good friends funeral who had committed suicide. So he was overly tired but super helpful. Once I felt some strong pains he held my hand and thought we needed to get a nurse. She got the team together about 10 different people walked in the room. 3 NICU teams members, and then several other nurses and my dr. My dr was on call that day so that gave me even more peace. Delivery was so peaceful and was a typical by the book birth. The hospital stay was good and everyone was so helpful. With my baby coming a month early I decided to resign from my teaching job after about 3 weeks of giving birth. Now I had planned on staying home with my baby but it seemed so much harder since it wasnt on my terms. That brought on a great level of anxiety that I’m just starting to feel like myself again. Around St Patrick’s day I decided to take my baby in and see my students. It was hard because the teacher taking over really changed the entire classroom.. took down pictures of the students from our accomplishment board. Moved the teacher desk along with throwing away student notes that I had on the bulletin board. It really is all trivial and I still have memories of my students in my heart. My baby was super healthy but it was so hard for me to let the teacher part of me go. I felt like I let my students down. I didnt get to leave on my own terms. I struggled these past 2 years but am finally starting to fit into my role as a stay at home mom. I think we all have things we have to work thru and we just have to learn to take baby steps each day! I am learning that sometimes being productive can mean just snuggling on the couch with a baby in footie pajamas. Being productive can be investing in others!

    Reply
    • cocoscaravan says

      February 5, 2020 at 11:41 pm

      I also taught school and I can totally understand that feeling of letting them down. It just shows how great of a teacher you were! Thank you for sharing this!

      Reply
  19. Jaime Wilkins says

    February 6, 2020 at 4:08 pm

    I just read this quote and thought of you

    “ If you think of change as derailing, that says a lot about how you view your life. But here’s the thing: there is no track, so nothing can be derailed. Change was always going to happen, again and again and again. It’s happening right this moment. Travel with it. Keep moving.”—Poet Maggie Smith

    Reply
  20. Maria says

    February 7, 2020 at 7:04 am

    If someone would have told me a few years ago I would have 3 kids (with two different guys, the second whom I’m married to) and working with elderly people and soon starting school again at the age of 32 to become a nurse I don’t think I would have believed him or her. My husband also work in a different city so most of the time I’m alone with the twins most of the time while working full time and soon school full time. It’s hard sometimes and sometimes I just wanna lay down and cry but I fight through it and in the end of the it is all worth it.

    Reply
  21. Allie says

    February 9, 2020 at 7:39 pm

    I was with my ex husband for 10 years (married for 3 1/2) and 29 when he told me he was done and wanted a divorce. It came out of left field and our son was 10 months old. I traveled a lot for work so I moved in my parents as they could help with my son. Fast forward 2 years, my ex has not been in my sons life since the divorce, I was laid off from my job, depleted my 401k while I was unemployed for 8 months, started a new career in teaching (better schedule for my son) and I still live with my parents. Life is nothing like I thought it would be and I feel “behind” especially because I am with my parents but I just remind myself that everyone has their own journey and this is mine for right now!

    Reply

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welcome
Hi I’m Jenn, but my friends call me Coco. I recently lost the love of my life to cancer. I’m now a single mom of IVF miracle twin boys. I hope to help others as I share my journey as a new widow and mother of twins.

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cocoscaravan

The basement is slowly starting to turn into a hom The basement is slowly starting to turn into a home! This week I worked on organizing the kitchen and getting the table together! I love how everything turned out! We are still waiting on gold knobs for the cabinets and a gold faucet for the sink. I haven’t had my own kitchen since 2018 so I’m pretty happy right now! Just feeling so grateful ❤️ 

My mom pretty much picked out all the tile and design elements for the kitchen. She is so good at this stuff! She decided last minute to tile the whole wall and we were nervous it would be too busy, but it turned out sooo cute! 

Link to chairs in my stories and the table is from IKEA!
I’ve experienced different types of love my whol I’ve experienced different types of love my whole life, but there is nothing like a mother’s love. It’s beautiful to see how their happiness turns into my happiness. After losing Justin I didn’t realize how much I thrive off their happiness. That happiness has kept me going and living. It gets me out of bed each morning. It’s contagious and helps me get through some of my hardest days. That is the best description of love. Love makes you happy and makes you want to keep going and live your best life! ❤️ This is truly such a beautiful quote! So grateful I have the boys in my life!
I get this question often about if I’ll ever be I get this question often about if I’ll ever be open to love again. I’m sure this is a common question that people want to ask widows. I’m sure every widow feels differently about it, but wanted to try and answer in blog post about how I feel. Continue reading more of my thoughts about it on my blog. [link BIO]
I can’t believe a year ago I was in New York Cit I can’t believe a year ago I was in New York City❤️ I remember wearing a mask on the plane and feeling embarrassed. C*vid wasn’t serious yet, but it made me a little nervous to get sick before my concert so I wore a mask. 

My choir was able to perform at Carnegie Hall and because my sister lives there I was able to spend time with her as well. It was so fun! It was a once in a lifetime experience to be able to perform there and something I’ll never forget. We seriously lucked out on timing cuz not even a month later the world went into quarantine. I haven’t seen my sister since 😭 Can’t wait for things to go back to normal! 

Choir was such a good outlet for me ❤️ I miss it so much 

What was your last trip or travel experience before quarantine?
❤️ Happy Valentine’s Day ❤️ I love putt ❤️ Happy Valentine’s Day ❤️

I love putting together these photoshoots! It’s been such a fun creative outlet for me! Plus I love to look back on these photos! 

My cousin @kindredduopro is in town and helped take the pics! It was sooo nice to have help because it’s getting harder to get them to sit still haha
My last Valentine’s Day with Justin was incredib My last Valentine’s Day with Justin was incredibly hard. It was also the day he was admitted into the hospital and that stay was the beginning of the end. 💔

As each new nurse came in and wished us a Happy Valentine’s Day, it stung even more that this was our life. (Cancer and hospital visits) All we wanted was one day to enjoy each other and forget it all, but no we couldn’t even have that. It was so hard! 

It’s hard for me to not think of that day whenever Valentine’s Day comes around each year. I think we both knew it was bad as we drove to the hospital that morning. Not the best memories come from that day. 

Luckily I do have some good memories of Valentine’s Day to equal out the one bad one. One time when Justin and I were dating he came over super early to make me breakfast before I went to work. He was so good to me! (I posted some pics on my blog post) 

I wrote a blog post my first Valentine’s Day without him. You can click on the link in BIO to read more about that day. 💔
I have new followers since I posted that reels vid I have new followers since I posted that reels video about the boys eyes. I thought I would introduce myself! ❤️

Hi I’m Jenn, but my friends call me Coco (nickname from college). My husband passed away from Cancer over two years ago. We were able to get pregnant through IVF. We put in one embryo and it split 😱! Justin got really sick right before they were born and we weren’t sure he would make it to their birth. We were able to spend a couple months together as a family before he passed away. You can read more about my story in the link in BIO☝️

The boys are 2 years old! 😱 Their names are Marshal and Everett. My parents finished their basement so the boys and I live there! ❤️ 

About my blog: I had a blog while my husband had cancer. It was just a space for people to get updated on how he was doing. After he passed away I stopped writing and my friends and family encouraged me to start again. I didn’t want my corner of the internet to just be about cancer or just be about life as a widow. I wanted to create a space I could share my all, but not be defined by my trials. 
So it might be a little different than  normal blogs. I love sharing motherhood stuff, as well as photography DIYs, but also life as a widow. It’s been such a great place for me! It helps me get out of bed and brings me joy! I’ve even been able to share other people’s  stories and help more people feel less alone in their trials. You can see more of their stories on my other account @cocoscaravancommunity 

I’m now starting to turn my blog into a business so I can be home with the boys! It’s been so wonderful and I have all of you to thank for that! It would also mean the world to me if you subscribed to my blog and follow along there as well! [link in BiO]

Thank you always for the love and support! I truly love the community I have found here! ❤️

📸 @kindredduopro
“Don’t Fear failure, fear never getting the ch “Don’t Fear failure, fear never getting the chance to try”-Lightning McQueen

Did you know this week is #carsweek We started the celebration by watching the @pixar cars movies 1-3 and playing with all these amazing new toys from @mattel & @shopdisney 

The boys love the @pixar cars movie and they know the name of every character. There is a scene where one of the cars jumps over another car and it happens in slow motion. The boys always say really loud “woah BIG jump.” It’s so cute I always have to pause what I’m doing to watch their reaction. I love how much they enjoy the movie!

Thank you @disney and @pixarcars for sending these awesome toys! The boys will be playing with them all week to celebrate! AD
We never thought he would make it to the twins bir We never thought he would make it to the twins birth. It truly was a miracle that he met them and was able to spend a couple months with them. Our first experience as parents was different than we expected. I could barely walk from my c-section and Justin could barely walk from his cancer. We had to rely on other people to help us take care of the boys and that was hard. We both wished so badly we could do it ourselves. 

There were a couple moments we were able to be alone just the four of us and this picture was one of those moments. We each had a baby in our arms and for a split second we forgot everything and just focused on them. They brought so much joy during a time of so much sorrow and anxiety. They were a good distraction from cancer. 

Oh how I wish we could have had a lifetime of these moments. It would have been so amazing to experience the twins growing up with my best friend at my side. 💔
What the what?! I woke up this morning to 100k and What the what?! I woke up this morning to 100k and I am blown away!😱 It was so sweet to wake up to messages from my followers telling me  the news and sharing their excitement for me. That made my day seeing how happy they were!  I have the best caravan! 
 
Thank you!! I started this account to help others and let people know they are not alone. When Justin was going through cancer all I wanted was to find someone who knew what I was going through. Talk to a spouse of a cancer patient, but there was nothing like that. I later found other widows who shared their story online and it helped me so much! I want to be that support for someone else! 

I know it sounds cheesy, but this account and my blog helped keep me going after Justin passed away. I got excited to put together a fun photoshoot of the boys and share the excitement with my followers of how cute the pic turned out. It helps me to write my feelings down about grief and in an odd way it’s been therapeutic. It’s helped me a lot! 

I know social media can be hard but it has always been a positive for me. I’ve been able to meet other widows through it and help so many others also going through a hard time. I love doing fun photoshoots of the boys or giving motherhood tips. It’s my happy place! 

I want you to know how much I appreciate you following along! I now can support my kids and help others along the way! I feel so blessed! Thank you!! 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️
I started unpacking last night because I couldn’ I started unpacking last night because I couldn’t wait any longer! The inspector came at 2 and I was moving in at 5. 🤣Haha It’s been so exciting to have my own space again. I haven’t seen my stuff in three years so it was exciting, but it was also hard. Justin loved cooking so most of the kitchen items were things he used. The pizza pan he loved and his mat he would roll his dough out for his famous German bread he would always make. Ugh the grief just hits you so hard 😭💔 I think the hardest was opening a box with his cologne. I kinda lost it at that point. Just the smell made it seem  like he would walk around the corner any minute. Like he was just here 💔 Ugh I think my life will always be happy and then sad just mixed up. I guess that’s grief
The basement is done!!! 🙌 I live with my parent The basement is done!!! 🙌 I live with my parents and they finished their basement so the boys and I could live down there and have our own little home! I have been in limbo since Justin passed away so this is truly a dream. My mom designed everything, she is amazing! We are still waiting on kitchen knobs and minor stuff, but I’ll be moving in this weekend! 🙌 

Justins parents were nice enough to come get the boys and take them for the weekend so I could focus on moving in! ❤️

Check out the before pics on my blog. You can find it in the “my story section” or there is a swipe up link on my basement highlight bubble
I just want you to know I read every message you s I just want you to know I read every message you send! It truly makes my day and means so much to me! Some of the messages I get are from people who have also been through a difficult trial or know someone who is. I’m grateful I can help in some small way. After Justin passed away I started following other widows here on Instagram. Reading their words helped me to keep going or get through a hard day. It helped to know I wasn’t alone. So I hope you know you’re not alone! ❤️
*New Blog Post* My blogging journey actually start *New Blog Post*
My blogging journey actually started during Justin’s cancer treatments. It was hard to have to repeat myself to each person we saw on how he was doing. It caused a lot of anxiety and we didn’t want to be talking about it all the time.
So I decided to start a blog to update our friends and family on how he was doing. It wasn’t until I started to write that I realized how therapeutic it was for me. I was always a little nervous for Justin to read them because I was so honest and opened. It was easier to write things down than say them out loud. He always read them as soon as I posted and I always got a sweet message from him about it ❤️

After Justin passed away I stopped writing until a friend encouraged me to start again. I started Coco’s Caravan to help others who are also going through a hard trial. I also wanted it to be more than just a place where I talk about being a widow, so I like to share stuff about my boys/motherhood. My blog is truly my happy place. A place I can escape. I find it easier to write my inner thoughts than express them verbally. I let it all go and it has been so therapeutic for me during my grief journey. 

So thank you for following along and being apart of my little caravan! ❤️ 

I reposted an old post from my old blog. It was right after we found out his cancer came back and he had to start chemo again. Click the link in BIO to read.
This was one of my first attempts to do my own ph This was one of my first attempts  to do my own photoshoot at home! How stinkin cute are they! 
I have a blog post on how to recreate this yourself and where I got all the props! 

Head to my DIY section on my blog to see it! 🙌 #happyvalentinesday 

I want to help you save money! With your phone and the right editing apps you can make it look professional! 🙌
New Blog Post I put together a list of the best to New Blog Post
I put together a list of the best toys to teach your child the alphabet. It’s always great to have some hands on learning! 🙌 Check it out! Link in BIO!
Monday Motivation ❤️ Just a friendly reminde Monday Motivation ❤️ 

Just a friendly reminder that there is no perfect way to be a mother. We are all trying our best and just trying to survive! We can do this!! 💪❤️
My little #colorado boy ❤️ Justin would be so My little #colorado boy ❤️ Justin would be so proud! Some of you might know this already, but Justin and I grew up in Colorado. We loved CO and always wanted to raise our kids here. It’s just fun to see the boys now living here and all decked out in CO gear. Wish so badly I could send this pic in a text to him and see what he would say. 💔

Also the slippers in this pic crack me up 🤣 Alright can you guess which twin this is?
🎉NEW BLOG POST!🎉 [link in BIO] I finally wr 🎉NEW BLOG POST!🎉 [link in BIO]

I finally wrote a blog post all about our new home! As many of you know the boys and I live with my parents and they are finishing their basement so we can live there! It will be perfect because we will have our own space, but I can also have some help when I need it! 

As you can tell we are very excited! I posted a ton of pics before we started construction. I’m also sharing some of my ideas on how I want to decorate and I’d love your help! 🙌
The kitchen starting going in this weekend! 🙌 W The kitchen starting going in this weekend! 🙌 We are getting so close to having our own little space and I could not be more excited! We brought the boys down last night to show them their soon to be new kitchen!

I’ll be posting a blog post next week showing before pictures of the basement and what I am envisioning for each room. Make sure to subscribe to my blog so you don’t miss it! [link in BIO]
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The basement is slowly starting to turn into a hom The basement is slowly starting to turn into a home! This week I worked on organizing the kitchen and getting the table together! I love how everything turned out! We are still waiting on gold knobs for the cabinets and a gold faucet for the sink. I haven’t had my own kitchen since 2018 so I’m pretty happy right now! Just feeling so grateful ❤️ 

My mom pretty much picked out all the tile and design elements for the kitchen. She is so good at this stuff! She decided last minute to tile the whole wall and we were nervous it would be too busy, but it turned out sooo cute! 

Link to chairs in my stories and the table is from IKEA!
I’ve experienced different types of love my whol I’ve experienced different types of love my whole life, but there is nothing like a mother’s love. It’s beautiful to see how their happiness turns into my happiness. After losing Justin I didn’t realize how much I thrive off their happiness. That happiness has kept me going and living. It gets me out of bed each morning. It’s contagious and helps me get through some of my hardest days. That is the best description of love. Love makes you happy and makes you want to keep going and live your best life! ❤️ This is truly such a beautiful quote! So grateful I have the boys in my life!
I get this question often about if I’ll ever be I get this question often about if I’ll ever be open to love again. I’m sure this is a common question that people want to ask widows. I’m sure every widow feels differently about it, but wanted to try and answer in blog post about how I feel. Continue reading more of my thoughts about it on my blog. [link BIO]
I can’t believe a year ago I was in New York Cit I can’t believe a year ago I was in New York City❤️ I remember wearing a mask on the plane and feeling embarrassed. C*vid wasn’t serious yet, but it made me a little nervous to get sick before my concert so I wore a mask. 

My choir was able to perform at Carnegie Hall and because my sister lives there I was able to spend time with her as well. It was so fun! It was a once in a lifetime experience to be able to perform there and something I’ll never forget. We seriously lucked out on timing cuz not even a month later the world went into quarantine. I haven’t seen my sister since 😭 Can’t wait for things to go back to normal! 

Choir was such a good outlet for me ❤️ I miss it so much 

What was your last trip or travel experience before quarantine?
❤️ Happy Valentine’s Day ❤️ I love putt ❤️ Happy Valentine’s Day ❤️

I love putting together these photoshoots! It’s been such a fun creative outlet for me! Plus I love to look back on these photos! 

My cousin @kindredduopro is in town and helped take the pics! It was sooo nice to have help because it’s getting harder to get them to sit still haha
My last Valentine’s Day with Justin was incredib My last Valentine’s Day with Justin was incredibly hard. It was also the day he was admitted into the hospital and that stay was the beginning of the end. 💔

As each new nurse came in and wished us a Happy Valentine’s Day, it stung even more that this was our life. (Cancer and hospital visits) All we wanted was one day to enjoy each other and forget it all, but no we couldn’t even have that. It was so hard! 

It’s hard for me to not think of that day whenever Valentine’s Day comes around each year. I think we both knew it was bad as we drove to the hospital that morning. Not the best memories come from that day. 

Luckily I do have some good memories of Valentine’s Day to equal out the one bad one. One time when Justin and I were dating he came over super early to make me breakfast before I went to work. He was so good to me! (I posted some pics on my blog post) 

I wrote a blog post my first Valentine’s Day without him. You can click on the link in BIO to read more about that day. 💔
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