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Coco's Caravan

Meet Kelsey: Brave widow and mother endures unthinkable challenges

in Caravan Community on 02/09/20

“Live day to day or moment by moment because looking too far ahead causes me to lose my breath.”

Kelsey’s Story

My name is Kelsey and I am 31 years old. I was born and raised in Minnesota. I met my husband, Scott, our senior year of college. I was in a sorority and he was on the football team. After college we moved to Toronto where he grew up.

After a few years of living there and being long distance, we ended up back in Minnesota close to my family. We got engaged in 2015 and had our dream wedding in 2016. We wanted to start a family as soon as possible, but it was not as easy as we had hoped.

After a year of negative pregnancy tests we sought out fertility help. After a few months of fertility, we got pregnant! Scott and I were over the moon. At our 8 week ultrasound we saw the beautiful little heartbeat and instantly fell in love.

Unfortunately, just a few days later, when Scott was out of town, I woke up covered in blood and I knew our baby was gone. As soon as the doctor gave us the okay we started fertility treatments again. After months of trying we finally got pregnant! This time we were very cautious to celebrate too early.

Fortunately, we passed the 12 week ultrasound and felt a sigh of relief. In January we found out we were having a boy! Life was perfect! At our 20 week ultrasound they discovered our baby boy had a heart defect and likely a chromosomal abnormality. They told us that he might not survive, but wanted to do some test first. We spent a week waiting for the results and we were beyond thrilled when they came back negative!

The doctors were confused and unsure about what could be wrong with him. We knew he had a heart defect, but weren’t sure what else. I started to get test done twice a week at Children’s Hospital in Minneapolis. On June 4th they were concerned about the baby and admitted me for monitoring. The plan was to try and get me to 34 weeks and then induce me.

In the months leading up to this, Scott had not been feeling well. He was achey, feverish, had a cough and was really struggling. We had just bought a house, he started a new job and with the uncertainty of the baby, it was all a lot of stress.

After I got admitted, Scott went to work. He stopped by the Hospital after, but I immediately sent him home. He looked tired and pale. He went home and started coughing up blood so he checked himself into the local hospital.

They ended up transferring him up to the hospital I was at. Over the course of the next 2 days his condition would improve and then get worse. He was diagnosed with Vasculitis (auto immune disease that attacks the blood vessels) on a Tuesday and on Thursday, June 7th, his condition worsened and was rushed into surgery. Scott’s heart stopped and they tried to put him on life support to save him.

Unfortunately, just a few hours later he was gone. He passed away on Friday, June 8th, 2018. I spent his last moments with him telling him our son loved him and I loved him. I promised to tell our baby all about his daddy.

The following Sunday they allowed me to be discharged from the hospital for two hours so that I could go to the viewing with his family. On Monday, June 11th, I was induced. Our son, Maxley Russell Ferguson, was born June 12th 2018 at 11:56am. Maxley was named after his paternal grandfather. Maxley was 2lbs 4oz and came out breathing on his own. He was in the NICU for 99 days in the hospital before coming home on September 19. We waited to do the funeral in July so that I could be apart of it.

We were home for 4 months before heading back to the same hospital for Maxley’s necessary open heart surgery on January 28th. Surgery was a success and Maxley’s tiny heart was repaired.

Sadly three days post op his condition worsened. They tried everything, but I ultimately had to make the difficult decision in a last ditch effort to save his life, I signed the form to put him on ECMO, the highest level of life support.

Maxley was on ECMO for 25 days. The doctors and nurses told me he might not make it out, but they were wrong! He started to get better and was able to come off life support on his 9 month birthday, March 12th! We spent another 2.5 months in the hospital weaning him off of narcotics and getting him stable enough to go home.

During his 13 week coma his bones became very brittle and he ended up breaking 4 bones. He had many other surgeries and procedures in our 112 days we were at the hospital. The best day was May 20th when we got to bring him home from the hospital. We were so excited to have him home just in time for his first birthday. Maxley is 18 months now and crawling like crazy. He is a very happy baby. He laughs a lot and has an easy smile. He loves to cuddle and is happy to just be held.

What was the hardest thing you went through during this time?

Losing Scott was obviously the most difficult, but knowing he never got to meet his son is the thing I sit with the most. Probably about 10 times a day I wonder what Scott’s face would have looked like seeing his son for the first time. I am grateful that Soctt didn’t suffer long.

The other hard part was Maxley being so sick. All the days sitting in the hospital and waiting for labs to come back to see if his CO2 levels improved or worsened. It was night after night of sitting up and watching his monitors to see if his oxygen levels would maintain or get worse. It was an excruciating pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone, that was unbearable.

What advice do you have for people going through a hard time?

Write. Write it all down. You will be glad one day that you can look back and see how far you have come.

What helped you the most during your trial?

Writing was a therapy I didn’t know I needed. I just started writing and eventually turned it into a blog. Having all of my worst moments in writing is something I can go back to in my worst of times and in my best to know I have come so far.

Share an update on your life now

I am back to work and just trying to get through day to day. Life is hard as a solo parent. I miss Scott so much. I still cry, a lot. Life is totally different than I thought it would be and it is really hard. My stresses are my own and I don’t have a partner to share them with.

Congenital Heart Defect Awareness

Every year from February 7th to the 14th is Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Week. Congenital heart defects are the most common birth defect. How amazing of Kelsey to share her story in hopes of bringing awareness to this cause. If you want to learn more about CHD or how you can help click HERE.

Please leave an encouraging comment for Kelsey below! If you are interested in reading more Caravan Community stories click HERE

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Comments

  1. Tara says

    February 9, 2020 at 3:20 pm

    My son was born in 2018 as well, and your story hit me at the core knowing what you have experienced. I have not had the hardships you have experienced with Maxley’s pregnancy and birth, which makes me so admire your courage and perseverance. You are a beautiful and strong mother, and I’ve no doubt you will succeed. Scott is surely watching over your little family from heaven ❤️.

    Reply
  2. Lina Gonzalez says

    February 9, 2020 at 7:13 pm

    We don’t know each other, but I feel so proud of you because you are a strong. In spite of the difficulties that you have had to go through in such a short time, you still have the strength to move forward and show your child how wonderful life can be. Scott is taking care of you and must also be very proud of what you have accomplished ❤

    Reply
  3. Danielle Allison says

    February 24, 2020 at 8:20 am

    It may not always feel like it, but you. are. doing. a. GREAT. job Kelsey.

    Reply

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welcome
Hi I’m Jenn, but my friends call me Coco. I recently lost the love of my life to cancer. I’m now a single mom of IVF miracle twin boys. I hope to help others as I share my journey as a new widow and mother of twins.

Instagram

cocoscaravan

The basement is slowly starting to turn into a hom The basement is slowly starting to turn into a home! This week I worked on organizing the kitchen and getting the table together! I love how everything turned out! We are still waiting on gold knobs for the cabinets and a gold faucet for the sink. I haven’t had my own kitchen since 2018 so I’m pretty happy right now! Just feeling so grateful ❤️ 

My mom pretty much picked out all the tile and design elements for the kitchen. She is so good at this stuff! She decided last minute to tile the whole wall and we were nervous it would be too busy, but it turned out sooo cute! 

Link to chairs in my stories and the table is from IKEA!
I’ve experienced different types of love my whol I’ve experienced different types of love my whole life, but there is nothing like a mother’s love. It’s beautiful to see how their happiness turns into my happiness. After losing Justin I didn’t realize how much I thrive off their happiness. That happiness has kept me going and living. It gets me out of bed each morning. It’s contagious and helps me get through some of my hardest days. That is the best description of love. Love makes you happy and makes you want to keep going and live your best life! ❤️ This is truly such a beautiful quote! So grateful I have the boys in my life!
I get this question often about if I’ll ever be I get this question often about if I’ll ever be open to love again. I’m sure this is a common question that people want to ask widows. I’m sure every widow feels differently about it, but wanted to try and answer in blog post about how I feel. Continue reading more of my thoughts about it on my blog. [link BIO]
I can’t believe a year ago I was in New York Cit I can’t believe a year ago I was in New York City❤️ I remember wearing a mask on the plane and feeling embarrassed. C*vid wasn’t serious yet, but it made me a little nervous to get sick before my concert so I wore a mask. 

My choir was able to perform at Carnegie Hall and because my sister lives there I was able to spend time with her as well. It was so fun! It was a once in a lifetime experience to be able to perform there and something I’ll never forget. We seriously lucked out on timing cuz not even a month later the world went into quarantine. I haven’t seen my sister since 😭 Can’t wait for things to go back to normal! 

Choir was such a good outlet for me ❤️ I miss it so much 

What was your last trip or travel experience before quarantine?
❤️ Happy Valentine’s Day ❤️ I love putt ❤️ Happy Valentine’s Day ❤️

I love putting together these photoshoots! It’s been such a fun creative outlet for me! Plus I love to look back on these photos! 

My cousin @kindredduopro is in town and helped take the pics! It was sooo nice to have help because it’s getting harder to get them to sit still haha
My last Valentine’s Day with Justin was incredib My last Valentine’s Day with Justin was incredibly hard. It was also the day he was admitted into the hospital and that stay was the beginning of the end. 💔

As each new nurse came in and wished us a Happy Valentine’s Day, it stung even more that this was our life. (Cancer and hospital visits) All we wanted was one day to enjoy each other and forget it all, but no we couldn’t even have that. It was so hard! 

It’s hard for me to not think of that day whenever Valentine’s Day comes around each year. I think we both knew it was bad as we drove to the hospital that morning. Not the best memories come from that day. 

Luckily I do have some good memories of Valentine’s Day to equal out the one bad one. One time when Justin and I were dating he came over super early to make me breakfast before I went to work. He was so good to me! (I posted some pics on my blog post) 

I wrote a blog post my first Valentine’s Day without him. You can click on the link in BIO to read more about that day. 💔
I have new followers since I posted that reels vid I have new followers since I posted that reels video about the boys eyes. I thought I would introduce myself! ❤️

Hi I’m Jenn, but my friends call me Coco (nickname from college). My husband passed away from Cancer over two years ago. We were able to get pregnant through IVF. We put in one embryo and it split 😱! Justin got really sick right before they were born and we weren’t sure he would make it to their birth. We were able to spend a couple months together as a family before he passed away. You can read more about my story in the link in BIO☝️

The boys are 2 years old! 😱 Their names are Marshal and Everett. My parents finished their basement so the boys and I live there! ❤️ 

About my blog: I had a blog while my husband had cancer. It was just a space for people to get updated on how he was doing. After he passed away I stopped writing and my friends and family encouraged me to start again. I didn’t want my corner of the internet to just be about cancer or just be about life as a widow. I wanted to create a space I could share my all, but not be defined by my trials. 
So it might be a little different than  normal blogs. I love sharing motherhood stuff, as well as photography DIYs, but also life as a widow. It’s been such a great place for me! It helps me get out of bed and brings me joy! I’ve even been able to share other people’s  stories and help more people feel less alone in their trials. You can see more of their stories on my other account @cocoscaravancommunity 

I’m now starting to turn my blog into a business so I can be home with the boys! It’s been so wonderful and I have all of you to thank for that! It would also mean the world to me if you subscribed to my blog and follow along there as well! [link in BiO]

Thank you always for the love and support! I truly love the community I have found here! ❤️

📸 @kindredduopro
“Don’t Fear failure, fear never getting the ch “Don’t Fear failure, fear never getting the chance to try”-Lightning McQueen

Did you know this week is #carsweek We started the celebration by watching the @pixar cars movies 1-3 and playing with all these amazing new toys from @mattel & @shopdisney 

The boys love the @pixar cars movie and they know the name of every character. There is a scene where one of the cars jumps over another car and it happens in slow motion. The boys always say really loud “woah BIG jump.” It’s so cute I always have to pause what I’m doing to watch their reaction. I love how much they enjoy the movie!

Thank you @disney and @pixarcars for sending these awesome toys! The boys will be playing with them all week to celebrate! AD
We never thought he would make it to the twins bir We never thought he would make it to the twins birth. It truly was a miracle that he met them and was able to spend a couple months with them. Our first experience as parents was different than we expected. I could barely walk from my c-section and Justin could barely walk from his cancer. We had to rely on other people to help us take care of the boys and that was hard. We both wished so badly we could do it ourselves. 

There were a couple moments we were able to be alone just the four of us and this picture was one of those moments. We each had a baby in our arms and for a split second we forgot everything and just focused on them. They brought so much joy during a time of so much sorrow and anxiety. They were a good distraction from cancer. 

Oh how I wish we could have had a lifetime of these moments. It would have been so amazing to experience the twins growing up with my best friend at my side. 💔
What the what?! I woke up this morning to 100k and What the what?! I woke up this morning to 100k and I am blown away!😱 It was so sweet to wake up to messages from my followers telling me  the news and sharing their excitement for me. That made my day seeing how happy they were!  I have the best caravan! 
 
Thank you!! I started this account to help others and let people know they are not alone. When Justin was going through cancer all I wanted was to find someone who knew what I was going through. Talk to a spouse of a cancer patient, but there was nothing like that. I later found other widows who shared their story online and it helped me so much! I want to be that support for someone else! 

I know it sounds cheesy, but this account and my blog helped keep me going after Justin passed away. I got excited to put together a fun photoshoot of the boys and share the excitement with my followers of how cute the pic turned out. It helps me to write my feelings down about grief and in an odd way it’s been therapeutic. It’s helped me a lot! 

I know social media can be hard but it has always been a positive for me. I’ve been able to meet other widows through it and help so many others also going through a hard time. I love doing fun photoshoots of the boys or giving motherhood tips. It’s my happy place! 

I want you to know how much I appreciate you following along! I now can support my kids and help others along the way! I feel so blessed! Thank you!! 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️
I started unpacking last night because I couldn’ I started unpacking last night because I couldn’t wait any longer! The inspector came at 2 and I was moving in at 5. 🤣Haha It’s been so exciting to have my own space again. I haven’t seen my stuff in three years so it was exciting, but it was also hard. Justin loved cooking so most of the kitchen items were things he used. The pizza pan he loved and his mat he would roll his dough out for his famous German bread he would always make. Ugh the grief just hits you so hard 😭💔 I think the hardest was opening a box with his cologne. I kinda lost it at that point. Just the smell made it seem  like he would walk around the corner any minute. Like he was just here 💔 Ugh I think my life will always be happy and then sad just mixed up. I guess that’s grief
The basement is done!!! 🙌 I live with my parent The basement is done!!! 🙌 I live with my parents and they finished their basement so the boys and I could live down there and have our own little home! I have been in limbo since Justin passed away so this is truly a dream. My mom designed everything, she is amazing! We are still waiting on kitchen knobs and minor stuff, but I’ll be moving in this weekend! 🙌 

Justins parents were nice enough to come get the boys and take them for the weekend so I could focus on moving in! ❤️

Check out the before pics on my blog. You can find it in the “my story section” or there is a swipe up link on my basement highlight bubble
I just want you to know I read every message you s I just want you to know I read every message you send! It truly makes my day and means so much to me! Some of the messages I get are from people who have also been through a difficult trial or know someone who is. I’m grateful I can help in some small way. After Justin passed away I started following other widows here on Instagram. Reading their words helped me to keep going or get through a hard day. It helped to know I wasn’t alone. So I hope you know you’re not alone! ❤️
*New Blog Post* My blogging journey actually start *New Blog Post*
My blogging journey actually started during Justin’s cancer treatments. It was hard to have to repeat myself to each person we saw on how he was doing. It caused a lot of anxiety and we didn’t want to be talking about it all the time.
So I decided to start a blog to update our friends and family on how he was doing. It wasn’t until I started to write that I realized how therapeutic it was for me. I was always a little nervous for Justin to read them because I was so honest and opened. It was easier to write things down than say them out loud. He always read them as soon as I posted and I always got a sweet message from him about it ❤️

After Justin passed away I stopped writing until a friend encouraged me to start again. I started Coco’s Caravan to help others who are also going through a hard trial. I also wanted it to be more than just a place where I talk about being a widow, so I like to share stuff about my boys/motherhood. My blog is truly my happy place. A place I can escape. I find it easier to write my inner thoughts than express them verbally. I let it all go and it has been so therapeutic for me during my grief journey. 

So thank you for following along and being apart of my little caravan! ❤️ 

I reposted an old post from my old blog. It was right after we found out his cancer came back and he had to start chemo again. Click the link in BIO to read.
This was one of my first attempts to do my own ph This was one of my first attempts  to do my own photoshoot at home! How stinkin cute are they! 
I have a blog post on how to recreate this yourself and where I got all the props! 

Head to my DIY section on my blog to see it! 🙌 #happyvalentinesday 

I want to help you save money! With your phone and the right editing apps you can make it look professional! 🙌
New Blog Post I put together a list of the best to New Blog Post
I put together a list of the best toys to teach your child the alphabet. It’s always great to have some hands on learning! 🙌 Check it out! Link in BIO!
Monday Motivation ❤️ Just a friendly reminde Monday Motivation ❤️ 

Just a friendly reminder that there is no perfect way to be a mother. We are all trying our best and just trying to survive! We can do this!! 💪❤️
My little #colorado boy ❤️ Justin would be so My little #colorado boy ❤️ Justin would be so proud! Some of you might know this already, but Justin and I grew up in Colorado. We loved CO and always wanted to raise our kids here. It’s just fun to see the boys now living here and all decked out in CO gear. Wish so badly I could send this pic in a text to him and see what he would say. 💔

Also the slippers in this pic crack me up 🤣 Alright can you guess which twin this is?
🎉NEW BLOG POST!🎉 [link in BIO] I finally wr 🎉NEW BLOG POST!🎉 [link in BIO]

I finally wrote a blog post all about our new home! As many of you know the boys and I live with my parents and they are finishing their basement so we can live there! It will be perfect because we will have our own space, but I can also have some help when I need it! 

As you can tell we are very excited! I posted a ton of pics before we started construction. I’m also sharing some of my ideas on how I want to decorate and I’d love your help! 🙌
The kitchen starting going in this weekend! 🙌 W The kitchen starting going in this weekend! 🙌 We are getting so close to having our own little space and I could not be more excited! We brought the boys down last night to show them their soon to be new kitchen!

I’ll be posting a blog post next week showing before pictures of the basement and what I am envisioning for each room. Make sure to subscribe to my blog so you don’t miss it! [link in BIO]
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The basement is slowly starting to turn into a hom The basement is slowly starting to turn into a home! This week I worked on organizing the kitchen and getting the table together! I love how everything turned out! We are still waiting on gold knobs for the cabinets and a gold faucet for the sink. I haven’t had my own kitchen since 2018 so I’m pretty happy right now! Just feeling so grateful ❤️ 

My mom pretty much picked out all the tile and design elements for the kitchen. She is so good at this stuff! She decided last minute to tile the whole wall and we were nervous it would be too busy, but it turned out sooo cute! 

Link to chairs in my stories and the table is from IKEA!
I’ve experienced different types of love my whol I’ve experienced different types of love my whole life, but there is nothing like a mother’s love. It’s beautiful to see how their happiness turns into my happiness. After losing Justin I didn’t realize how much I thrive off their happiness. That happiness has kept me going and living. It gets me out of bed each morning. It’s contagious and helps me get through some of my hardest days. That is the best description of love. Love makes you happy and makes you want to keep going and live your best life! ❤️ This is truly such a beautiful quote! So grateful I have the boys in my life!
I get this question often about if I’ll ever be I get this question often about if I’ll ever be open to love again. I’m sure this is a common question that people want to ask widows. I’m sure every widow feels differently about it, but wanted to try and answer in blog post about how I feel. Continue reading more of my thoughts about it on my blog. [link BIO]
I can’t believe a year ago I was in New York Cit I can’t believe a year ago I was in New York City❤️ I remember wearing a mask on the plane and feeling embarrassed. C*vid wasn’t serious yet, but it made me a little nervous to get sick before my concert so I wore a mask. 

My choir was able to perform at Carnegie Hall and because my sister lives there I was able to spend time with her as well. It was so fun! It was a once in a lifetime experience to be able to perform there and something I’ll never forget. We seriously lucked out on timing cuz not even a month later the world went into quarantine. I haven’t seen my sister since 😭 Can’t wait for things to go back to normal! 

Choir was such a good outlet for me ❤️ I miss it so much 

What was your last trip or travel experience before quarantine?
❤️ Happy Valentine’s Day ❤️ I love putt ❤️ Happy Valentine’s Day ❤️

I love putting together these photoshoots! It’s been such a fun creative outlet for me! Plus I love to look back on these photos! 

My cousin @kindredduopro is in town and helped take the pics! It was sooo nice to have help because it’s getting harder to get them to sit still haha
My last Valentine’s Day with Justin was incredib My last Valentine’s Day with Justin was incredibly hard. It was also the day he was admitted into the hospital and that stay was the beginning of the end. 💔

As each new nurse came in and wished us a Happy Valentine’s Day, it stung even more that this was our life. (Cancer and hospital visits) All we wanted was one day to enjoy each other and forget it all, but no we couldn’t even have that. It was so hard! 

It’s hard for me to not think of that day whenever Valentine’s Day comes around each year. I think we both knew it was bad as we drove to the hospital that morning. Not the best memories come from that day. 

Luckily I do have some good memories of Valentine’s Day to equal out the one bad one. One time when Justin and I were dating he came over super early to make me breakfast before I went to work. He was so good to me! (I posted some pics on my blog post) 

I wrote a blog post my first Valentine’s Day without him. You can click on the link in BIO to read more about that day. 💔
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