It doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy
“Just because someone carries it well doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy.”
-unknown
I saw this quote the other day and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt this so deeply and really felt like I needed to share it. There have been times where I have received a message from a picture I had posted saying “you look like you’re doing so well” or “you look so happy.” Where yes there are days I’m doing well, but that doesn’t mean the pain is gone. That doesn’t mean I struggle to get out of bed some mornings. The “heaviness” is always there I just choose to keep moving forward.
After Justin passed away I had two options, I could ether give up or keep moving forward. Luckily because of my two sweet boys it helped me make the choice to live and keep moving forward for them. I wanted to be there for them and do the things I would have done if Justin was still here. I didn’t want them to miss out on things because of my grief.
So I decided to do all the fun things like going to the park, going on vacation, doing the fun photoshoots, etc. In the moment I am happy, but that “heaviness” is always there. It could take one split second of seeing an old photo to break me. I realized this will always be my life. Parts of it will be happy and parts will be sad.
I choose to live for my boys and not let grief take away things I would have done if Justin were here. I’m going to continue to do happy things and have fun, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard. That doesn’t mean I don’t have my hard moments. Grief will never leave me and it will always be apart of my life.
It is possible to be happy, but still carry that heavy grief and sadness.
Don’t we all carry something heavy
Don’t assume you know everything about a person based on one picture you see on social media or one interaction you have with them in person. We all deal with “heaviness” of some kind. It might not be as big as losing a spouse, but that doesn’t mean people don’t have their struggles. We all deal with something at some level.
You never know what goes deeper behind that photo. Just because your friend had another baby doesn’t mean they are not struggling with the loss of the one before. It is possible to be happy, but still carry those hard things with us. We can still have those moments we break down even though we were laughing an hour earlier. We are only human and it’s TOTALLY normal and okay! Just like I always say on my Caravan Community page, you are never alone in your trials!
I really needed to see this today. I had a miscarriage with my 2nd pregnancy about 3 weeks ago and it’s been an incredibly lonely time. No one will talk to me about it for fear of upsetting me so it feels like I’m grieving it alone and smiling so as to not make people uncomfortable. Thankfully I have my son (who is about a month younger than your boys) to keep me going. It’s impossible to be completely sad around him because he brings me so much light and joy but then I feel guilty for not being upset about my loss. It’s a weird struggle to be so devastated and still be happy at the same time. Your page has always inspired me to be a better mom but I understand your posts about loss a little more than I did before.