• Home
  • About Me
    • Featured
    • Coco’s Caravan
  • Contact
    • Subscribe to my blog
  • Motherhood
    • My favorite Affordable Baby and Kids Clothing Stores 2021
    • Five Toddler Toys My Boys Love to Play With
    • 8 of the best must have products for twins
    • 13 of The Best Tips for Flying with a Toddler
  • Lifestyle
  • My Story
    • My Story
    • My Birth Story
    • My Story (told by my dad)
    • Justins 2nd Death Anniversary
    • Two Against One
  • Courses
  • Community
    • Their Stories
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • YouTube

Coco's Caravan

It’s been three years since Justin passed away

in My Story on 07/08/21

Yesterday marked three years since Justin passed away. I remember when it was hard to be away from Justin for just a couple days. It was even hard just not communicating through phone after a couple of hours. It’s been three years now and its still shocking to me that he is never coming back. I feel grateful to have the boys in my life, but also angry that Justin isn’t here. I spend half my life feeling sad and the other half trying to move forward and be happy for my kids. This is my life now.

If you are interested in reading my full story you can find that HERE

If I could send a message to Justin today this is what I would send and what I would tell him. Watch the video below.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Jennifer Hanks (@cocoscaravan)

I thought I would share the original post I had written the day Justin passed away. Continue reading below if you want to read that. I also love to share parts of the letters I received form Justin’s close friends and family. I think it will be so great for my boys to read those some day. I added a part of that letter at the bottom.

Table of Contents

  • The original post I wrote to inform our friends and family that Justin had passed away (July 7, 2018)
  • Justin’s Funeral
  • Letter to Marshal and Everett
    • Two Years Apart (last years blog on Justins death anniversary)

The original post I wrote to inform our friends and family that Justin had passed away (July 7, 2018)

anniversary of his passing

“I’m writing a post I thought I would never have to write. I believed and hoped so badly I wouldn’t have to. Justin had been in a lot of pain the last couple of days. This morning when we went to check on him he wasn’t breathing. We got him comfortable enough last night to fall asleep. Justin and I read a scripture together before going to bed and that was the last time I saw him. He was home around the people he loved.

I did get a sweet moment with him yesterday where he and I were able to talk. He was so weak and could barely say anything, but we shared some thoughts with each other. He told me he was so tired and was trying so hard to hold on for me and the boys, but he didn’t know how much strength he had left in him. He said we had done everything we were suppose to and it was in Gods hands. I think he knew it was time and was ready to let go. He has suffered for so long and he is free now.

I kept thinking this morning that I wish he wrote letters to the boys or did things to prepare for this, but we had so much hope, it was hard to have those conversations. We lived each day talking about things like when he would take the boys fishing. When he would go back to work. Even last night he was saying how when this was over he wanted to go to the Tetons again.

We believed he would get better and lived each day to that belief.
For a moment I was angry at that hope. We could have planned better and had letters for the boys. But then I thought how that hope was the reason he lived so long. That hope was how he sat next to me while I gave birth. That hope was how he saw his boys. That hope was how we had a couple of months as a family. We never lived a day thinking he would die and I think that was the best way to live.

I feel an ache and pain I have never felt before in my life. I’m scared to wake up tomorrow and the next day. He was my person who treated me like a queen, even when he was so sick. He knew exactly how to make me feel better and make me laugh.

I don’t know how I’ll keep going, but I’m grateful for these two beautiful boys to keep me living. I’m so grateful for the knowledge that I will see him again. I keep having to remind myself that this life is just a moment. I will be with him for eternity. It’s easy to say that, but the ache of each day without him will be unbearable. I’m hoping it will get easier.

Last night we watched Remember the Titans. He was too weak to watch, but listened to the whole movie. He would smile at his favorite parts and wished he could sing some of the songs. It was meant to be because it reminded me of his Facebook post when he was in the hospital. He said “Coach I’m hurt, I ain’t dead” He truly had that attitude up until his last breath. He was the strongest person I know! He fought so hard to be here for me and the boys. He was a beautiful soul!

I held his hand one last time this morning. Whenever we held hands we would give each other hand squeezes meaning “I love you.” We did it yesterday when he was to weak to speak. He squeezed my hand twice. I squeezed his hand this morning for the last time. I love him more than anything!

Thank you for all you’re prayers and love!”

Justin’s Funeral

“Funerals are an important ritual in the grieving progress. They don’t just recognize that a life has ended, but they recognize that a life was lived. It can be a celebration of the person they were and the life they lived.”

From the movie Love Happens

The funeral was by far the hardest day of my life. I honestly feel sick just thinking about that day, but it was also so beautiful to be able to talk about what an amazing person he was. I still have people come to me and say that day changed them for the better. They wanted to be better and live better because of the person Justin was. It truly was a special day to recognize the person he was and the life he lived. You can read more about the funeral HERE.

Letter to Marshal and Everett

I was always too scared to have the hard conversations with Justin and I regret it. I wish so badly Justin would have written letters to the boys. I asked Justins friends and family to write letters to the boys and tell them more about their dad. Write things down that Justin would have said. I wanted them to be able to get to know their dad better through the people who knew him.

I wanted to share just parts of the letters I received and post them here. This blog is a journal and a way for my boys to have a place to look back and read my thoughts and memories. I’m hoping they will enjoy reading some of these letters that people have sent me.

Here is a part of a letter I received from one of Justins friends from college:

“Your dad loved the Lord.  He loved the gospel.  He lived his life so that he would be worthy to marry your mom in the temple and to see you and her again.  I know and he knows that you will see him again.  I promise you that your dad is watching both of you grow and become most awesome young men.  He is so incredibly proud of you.  If you need to feel close to him now you can say a prayer and ask to feel a bit of that love that he has for you.  It works.

I’ll try and say a few things that I think he would want you to know:  Be strong, boys.  Be brave.  Be kind.  Be worthy.  Love your mom and help her as much as you can.  Laugh!  A LOT!  Ask for help when you need it, people want to help.  Stick together.  Love each other.  Pray, especially when you don’t want to.  Be grateful.  Try to be a little better today than you were yesterday, just a little.  Trust people, trust is a gift you have to give.  Don’t stop smiling, your dad never did.  Be a friend to everyone.  Listen; everyone is trying to say something but so few take a turn listening.  It’s okay to be different.  It’s COOL to be different. Love the Lord.  Love YOURSELF!  You are worth it and you always will be, no matter what.  

Your dad was and is a great man and I know that both of you will be as well.  He loves your mom with everything and treated her with devotion, compassion and respect.  Do the same.  He loves you more than anything, more than everything.”

Two Years Apart (last years blog on Justins death anniversary)

Tweet
Pin1
Share
1 Shares

Add a Comment

« The Best Picture Editing Apps for your Phone
6 of the best toddler bike and ride on toys »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

welcome
Hi I’m Jenn, but my friends call me Coco. I recently lost the love of my life to cancer. I’m now a single mom of IVF miracle twin boys. I hope to help others as I share my journey as a new widow and mother of twins.

Instagram

cocoscaravan

Happy 4th of July! So proud of myself for getting Happy 4th of July! So proud of myself for getting the boys out the door at 6:30am for the parade! They loved it!
#4thofjuly #happy4thofjuly #toddler4thofjulyoutfit #twins #twintoddlers
My dad and I went to our last movie together for t My dad and I went to our last movie together for three years. It was the perfect movie to see. My dad was in the Air Force and we went with his brother who was also in the Air Force. Such a great movie and special time! 

I can honestly say my dad is one of my best friends. Movies has always been our thing. I’ll never forget the time he sat me down one night when I was younger and said “my most favorite book when I was a kid was Lord of the Rings. They are making a movie. Let’s read the book together and see it when it comes out” That was the beginning ❤️
Tag me or @justintime4adventure on your outdoor ad Tag me or @justintime4adventure on your outdoor adventures today! I’d love to share your pics! 

We went on a hike this morning with Justin’s parents. It was so fun the boys loved it! Great way to celebrate Justin’s birthday! We miss you 💔❤️
@justintime4adventure #gooutsideforjustin Tag m @justintime4adventure 
#gooutsideforjustin 

Tag me in your outdoor adventures so I can share them! ❤️🙌
Justin’s parents took the boys to the local carn Justin’s parents took the boys to the local carnival last night. ❤️ they were so so excited!
The perfect summer schedule to keep you organized The perfect summer schedule to keep you organized and feeling accomplish! Kids love it and you are more sane! It’s a win win! 
Link in stories to see more about it! 

#summerschedule #summerroutine #routine #summer #parenting
It’s so important to keep your children safe in It’s so important to keep your children safe in and around your home! I’ve teamed up with @Duracell to encourage parents to take the #DuracellPowerSafely Check quiz and locate some of the devices in your home that use lithium coin batteries. 

 

Lithium coin batteries can be hazardous for small children if they are swallowed. I encourage you to go around your home and swap out your lithium coin batteries for Duracell lithium coin batteries with the bitter coating. The packaging is child secure and the bitter coating is designed to help reduce the risk of accidental ingestion. 

 

Head to Duracell.com or the link in my stories to take the quiz and watch the educational video about lithium coin battery safety. Share with your friends and family. One simple step to feel safer at home with your littles! 

 

#Ad #PowerSafely
“Life is about change. Sometimes it is painful. “Life is about change. Sometimes it is painful. Sometimes it’s beautiful, but most of the time it is both”

Im feeling scared, nervous, excited, grateful…etc all the feelings on this next part of our journey! 

Thanks to all the love and support as I make this big change. Thanks for riding along and joining my little caravan! ❤️

Link in BIO to see where we are moving! 

#changequotes #changeishard #change #widow #singlemom #newadventures #singlemomlife #singleparenting
Woke up to lots of snow. What is happening Colorad Woke up to lots of snow. What is happening Colorado? 😂🤪🤦‍♀️

#snowinmay #snow #snowincolorado #colorado #coloradoweather #snowday
It’s our last weekend at our cabin before moving It’s our last weekend at our cabin before moving. The boys call it the “mountain home” It will be sad to not be able to visit here as often. The boys love it here.

#twin #twintoddlers #twinbrothers #twins #identicaltwins #twinsofinstagram #twinmom #twinmomlife #mountainlife
My dad got the boys these Jammie’s and took them My dad got the boys these Jammie’s and took them to our cabin for the night! How adorable is this pic! ❤️
New blog post! Sharing all my tips on how I put th New blog post! Sharing all my tips on how I put this adorable Paw Patrol party together! I even include free printable food labels! Link in BIO to get to blog! 
*Don’t forget to save this post so you can find it later 

#pawpatrolbirthday #pawpatrolbirthdayparty #pawpatrol #pawpatrolparty #pawpatrolcake #pawpatrolpartyideas #fourthbirthday #toddlerbirthday #partyideasforkids #partyideas #birthdaycakeideas
Happy Easter! 🐣🐰 Suits from @kindhumanco Happy Easter! 🐣🐰 

Suits from @kindhumanco 

#easter #eastersunday #easterphotoshoot #easterpictures #easterphotos #twins #twintoddlers #twinbrothers #identicaltwins
After someone passes away you lose half the story After someone passes away you lose half the story of any memory or moment. Wish Justin could sit next to me and tell me what he was thinking in this moment. A moment and memory lost forever. One of the hardest parts of loss 💔 

Read my story link in BIO

#loss #griefjourney #griefandloss #grief #birth #birthstory #birth
Happy birthday M & E!! Can’t believe they turn f Happy birthday M & E!! Can’t believe they turn four years old today! Head to my Instagram stories to see their birth story! 

Grateful to have these two in my life! Not sure where I would be without them. They give me a purpose to keep moving forward and they bring joy and happiness into my life. Wish their dad was here today give them a big birthday hug.

#identicaltwins #identical #twinboys #twinmom #boymom #twinmomlife #birthdayboy #twinbrothers #twinbirth #twinbirthday
We got family pictures done while we were in Hawai We got family pictures done while we were in Hawaii. Love love how they turned out! You can see the rest of them on my blog! (Link in BIO) 

I link our outfits on there as well!

#beachfamilyphotos #familypictures #beachvibes #familyphotography #singlemom
My Organizing digital photos course is live!! Link My Organizing digital photos course is live!! Link in BIO!

I want to help people save their memories and to be able to easily find  your photos.  You never want to regret not taking a photo or saving them! 

#googlephotos #preciousmemories #digitalphoto #organizepictures
🌺🤙 Our favorite luau on the island ❤️ L 🌺🤙 Our favorite luau on the island ❤️

Link to outfits on my like to know it account. Or check my stories today for a link 

#luau #hawaiilife #hawaiivacation
🌺🤙#aloha Link to swimsuits on my “liketo 🌺🤙#aloha 

Link to swimsuits on my “liketoknowit

#toddlerswim #toddlerswimming #toddlerclothes

Sunglasses @roshambobaby #supportsmallbusiness
New Blog Post!! Sharing which tablet I use for the New Blog Post!! Sharing which tablet I use for the boys when we travel! Link in my stories or “Kids travel tips” highlight reel”

#traveltoys #travelwithkids #travelwithchildren #toddlertravel #toddlertravels #kidstablets #kidstablet
Load More... Follow on Instagram

Popular Posts

My dad sharing his thoughts after we moved

The best sensory bin starter kit for toddlers

Best summer schedule for kids that you can print

Categories

  • Caravan Community
  • DIY
  • Home Slider
  • Lifestyle
  • Motherhood
  • My Story
  • Travel
  • Uncategorized

Join Us on Instagram

cocoscaravan

Happy 4th of July! So proud of myself for getting Happy 4th of July! So proud of myself for getting the boys out the door at 6:30am for the parade! They loved it!
#4thofjuly #happy4thofjuly #toddler4thofjulyoutfit #twins #twintoddlers
My dad and I went to our last movie together for t My dad and I went to our last movie together for three years. It was the perfect movie to see. My dad was in the Air Force and we went with his brother who was also in the Air Force. Such a great movie and special time! 

I can honestly say my dad is one of my best friends. Movies has always been our thing. I’ll never forget the time he sat me down one night when I was younger and said “my most favorite book when I was a kid was Lord of the Rings. They are making a movie. Let’s read the book together and see it when it comes out” That was the beginning ❤️
Tag me or @justintime4adventure on your outdoor ad Tag me or @justintime4adventure on your outdoor adventures today! I’d love to share your pics! 

We went on a hike this morning with Justin’s parents. It was so fun the boys loved it! Great way to celebrate Justin’s birthday! We miss you 💔❤️
@justintime4adventure #gooutsideforjustin Tag m @justintime4adventure 
#gooutsideforjustin 

Tag me in your outdoor adventures so I can share them! ❤️🙌
Justin’s parents took the boys to the local carn Justin’s parents took the boys to the local carnival last night. ❤️ they were so so excited!
The perfect summer schedule to keep you organized The perfect summer schedule to keep you organized and feeling accomplish! Kids love it and you are more sane! It’s a win win! 
Link in stories to see more about it! 

#summerschedule #summerroutine #routine #summer #parenting
Load More... Follow on Instagram

Copyright © 2022 · Custom design by How Sweet Designs

Copyright © 2022 Jennifer Hanks · Custom design by How Sweet Designs
  • Disclosure
  • Privacy Policy
  • Term and Conditions