(Originally posted on my old blog July 13, 2018)
The service was so beautiful and I was blown away by how many people came to support us. It meant so much to me and I felt so grateful. I’ve heard so many people say “because of Justin I want to be a better person.” That was the best gift I could have been given. I loved how he was able to touch someone in some way. He was able to help them become more like Christ. That is what he would have wanted.
The only thing that got me through the funeral was knowing he is no longer in pain. That reminder gives me strength and keeps me moving forward. He is free of pain and climbing mountains now!
I was able to spend some time with him the night before the funeral. I’m glad I was able to take that time and say my goodbyes. I spent the week looking through old photos, he was so handsome, strong, and healthy looking. It was hard to see him in that casket, all I could think was who was this person. It was hard to think as well that the cancer was still there, just sitting in his body. Its scary to think how fast the cancer aged him and made him look so sick.
I was really anxious to have to talk to so many people. I so badly wanted to go sit in another room until the day was over. But it was important to me to feel all the feelings and go through each step of the day. I really feel like he was with me that day because I was able to make it through.
I was so happy with how the service went and the stories that were shared. He truly was an amazing man. I feel grateful we were able to change a sad event and bring some happiness by blessing the twins.
I was able to smile a little when I saw the spot of where he was going to be buried. It was on the edge of a hill looking out over the valley. I couldn’t help but think he was there smiling to.
Some of our friends brought Colorado dirt to put on top of the casket. They also brought a Big City Burrito (his favorite burrito place in Fort Collins). It was another tender mercy of being able to put a smile on my face during such a hard time. We also put pine cones on top of the casket because he loved nature and being outside. As hard as the day was, I was so happy with how everything went. He deserved the best and that is what he got.
I can’t say thank you enough for all the love and prayers I’ve received. They gave me strength to get through the funeral and they continue to give me strength to get through each day. Thank you so much for all your love and support!
I also don’t know how I would have made it through that day without my family. They have both given me so much strength. I know they will be the reason I keep getting up in the mornings. They will be there to help keep Justin in my life and the boys lives.
I just wanted to say that you and Justin are incredibly strong and inspiring, it brought tears to my eyes just reading a glimpse into your story. I hope and pray that you’re family will receive nothing but love and support from here on out.
Your story is truly inspiring to a lot of people out there. You are a strong woman and you have only been growing stronger every day. You will blossom like the flowers in the field. Twins are going to be so proud of you and their dad who still lives in them.
God bless you all.
God bless you, what a journey and you have come out the other end still standing and fighting. That is what you call strength and courage. May God bless you and your beautiful family with everything you want and more. Much love x
I can’t stop crying! You are so strong, your story made me cry and think about all the things that’s that we take for granted. I would read this story over and over everytime
I feel I ungrateful. You are a true hero and Justin is very proud of you. Your boys are a true picture of him. I encourage you to write more and even write a book! You are such a good writer! Good Luck 💕
Heyyy ….
I m glad that you smiled on his funeral coz I know I feel he was smiling looking at you and twins from up above there … I am crying I swear am not lying I did cry and cried hard after reading your whole story …. I am so sorry for your loss …. I am not even strong enough to imagine what you have gone through out this all and how much you miss him … I just want to say that Justin wants you to be Happy and smiling always …. He loves you to the end of the world …He is happy seeing you all together having fun … He misses you too …. ❤️….
I’m really sorry for your lose…. I have tears in my eyes right now…
You are really strong woman.
And be strong in every situation.
I hope you are doing well.
You have a beautiful heart and you’re so strong, you made me realize what is true love. Thank you for sharing this. May God keep you and the boys always happy.
My dearest Jenn,
I can’t imagine the pain and suffering and heartache you and Justin had to go through. I pray to God that you and your family will never have to face such a test and that God continues to shower you with His many bounties and blessings, and to give you patience and strength to endure the pain of this test. I can guarantee you that he is looking at you and the boys every minute of the day and happy to see you guys smiling and continuing your lives with hope and his good memories. We all have to go at our appointed time and God willingly, we will meet our loved ones again and this time be united with them forever. You will see him again 🙂
Just “ran upon” your site today. I can’t stop crying. Thank you so much for sharing this. This has helped me so much. My prayers are with you and your wonderful family.
My husband of 29 years passed suddenly in 2013. Coping from one day to the next was so hard; we were both 49. I am so sorry you two didn’t get more time; I am so happy you two didn’t miss out on the happiness you were blessed with. I will be following you and the boys to see the MANY blessings that God will bestow upon your lives.
I am so so so so sorry for your loss your twins are beautiful and they look so much like him
May our almighty God give you the much needed grace and mercy and help you raise your two pearls in a God fearing manner…my heart crushes thinking of this pain of losing the most loveable person of life…as I too going thru the same. I am glad you got your time to say a proper goodbye to Br. Justine…wherein .I am still fighting with my Lord that…HE just took mine without a sign…
My sincere prayers for you my dear…and for your boys. God is walking along with you…be assured of that. Though the is rough…but one day HE will give us the rest ..rest from those heartaches…those loneliness…those tears which we shed under the pillow and shower…
Take courage…praying for you and for all those who are walking the journey like ours.
Much love
NenVanda
Hi Jenn I accidentally came upon your site and I must say you are one awe inspiring young lady! In spite of what you have been through you are remarkable! I am truly sorry for your loss as well as your baby boy’s. They are a wonderful combination of both you and Justin. May God continue to bless you and your entire family, and I will certainly keep you in my prayers!
Sincerely,
Gail
You’re an amazing mom!
What a beautiful story, you two were made for each other. I can see the from the perspective of your boys having lost my father at a very young age as well. I have pictures but no videos and that I wish I did have. To hear his voice would be amazing. It will be very hard for them for their whole life. I’m 45 now and I am still struggling with it. Be patient with them, especially through school.