Finding Love Again After Loss: How We Met
Sharing my story of love again after loss, how meeting my boyfriend after losing my husband helped me find hope and begin healing.
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Why share now
I’ve waited a long time to share this part of my story of love again after loss. Grant and I have been dating for almost a year and a half now, and I only recently opened up about it publicly. From the beginning, I knew that if I ever dated someone seriously again, I wanted to give it time to make sure it was something real and steady before sharing it with my Coco’s Caravan community. Now that I’ve shared the news that I’m dating, I wanted to go a little deeper and tell the story of how we met and what that journey looked like for me. My hope is that by opening up, it might bring comfort or encouragement to other widows who are beginning to navigate the idea of finding love again after loss.
An Honest Conversation About Dating After Loss
In this video, my friend Shay (who is also a widow) and I sit down to answer some of the most common questions we get about dating after loss. We wanted to have an open and honest conversation about what it’s really like- no advice or rules, just two friends sharing our experiences. I hope it helps others who might be in a similar place. Continue reading below to read about how Grant and I met.
Learning to open my heart again
After Justin died, I told myself I wouldn’t even think about dating for at least a year. It just wasn’t a priority my boys were so little, and all my focus went into being their mom and keeping our world steady. When I eventually moved to Utah, I went on a few dates here and there, but nothing ever felt strong enough to continue. Honestly, the idea of dating while being a single mom and running my business, Coco’s Caravan, felt overwhelming. But as I’ll share more about when Grant and I started dating and things became more serious, I experienced a new kind of grief I hadn’t felt before. I plan to open up more about that in a future blog post, but for now, I wanted to share more about how we met.
How we met
Grant and I go way back, he’s actually from Fort Collins too. He was my older sister’s age, and they hung out all the time, while his younger sister and I were the same age and best friends in junior high. Grant and I even went to the same college and shared a circle of friends, so I would see him often over the years. Fast forward to more recently, I was on dating apps, but never really took them seriously. I wasn’t actively dating, but I wasn’t opposed to it either.
One day, Grant messaged me on an app, and I was surprised to learn he was also living in Utah. I knew that he had never had the opportunity to get married or have kids, but he had always wanted those things. We started chatting casually, catching up on life since it had been a while, and I quickly friend-zoned him because, honestly, I just wasn’t interested in dating at that point. But we kept texting, and I found myself thinking about him for weeks, wondering if maybe it could be something more than friendship.
Finally, I texted him to see if he wanted to go on a Sunday hike with the boys and me just a casual catch up as friends. Normally I would never take the boys on a first outing with someone, but with Grant being an old friend, it felt natural. We met up with him and his dog, Jack, and the hike was amazing. We talked nonstop, and it never felt awkward.
After that, our conversations continued over text, and one night, knowing I loved video games, Grant asked if I wanted to get online and play with him. We ended up talking the whole time while gaming, and soon I found myself looking forward to those nights. What started as a couple of times a week quickly turned into almost every night, sometimes just talking for hours.
Talking to him felt effortless. I could be completely open, sharing stories about Justin or funny moments with my boys, or even things they were struggling with, and he would genuinely listen. He remembered details from previous conversations, checking in and asking about specific things my boys had been dealing with it was clear he truly cared. I also liked that he was so involved with his family. He talked to his siblings almost everyday and was super close with all his nieces and nephews.
Eventually, we decided to hang out in person (just as friends) and watch a movie. When he came over, I could tell he liked me. He was sitting close on the couch, and that made me freak out a little! The feelings I was starting to have brought up a new kind of grief I hadn’t experienced before, and the next day I texted him honestly that I enjoyed being around him but wasn’t sure how I felt about us being more than friends. He responded immediately, patient and understanding, saying we could just go back to gaming if that’s what I needed.
That patience allowed me to slowly navigate my grief as I felt more of the desire to try, and I finally asked if he wanted to go to a movie, to which he said yes, and asked if we could go to dinner before. That was our first real date, and it was exciting and nerve wracking, like being a teenager again. I was nervous about holding hands, feeling giddy over texts, and experiencing all those “firsts” again.
I had always dreaded dating in my 30s as a single mom, but I forgot how fun and thrilling those early moments could be. It was really hard to find time to date as a single mom though. For the first 6 months we really only saw each other once or twice a week when my boys were at their Grandparents house or with a babysitter. It was really important to me that being a mother was still my priority. It was a really hard balancing them both.
I always had a rule that no matter who I dated that I would wait 6 months before introducing my boys to the person I was dating. It wasn’t until after Christmas that I told the boys about Grant and introduced them. I will share more about that in the future when I feel ready. Things got a lot easier once my boys knew about Grant. We were able to see each other more and he started helping me more with the boys and it really felt nice to have him around.
Now, almost a year and a half since that first date, Grant has been patient and loving every step of the way. He allows Justin to remain a meaningful part of our lives, loves my boys, and loves me. It hasn’t been an easy journey to date and love someone again, but I feel so grateful to have found someone who brings joy, patience, and love into our family. I am truly happy.