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Coco's Caravan

Choosing Hope

in My Story on 01/09/19

Image by  Phoco
Image by Phoco

I was seven months pregnant with our twin boys when my husband, Justin, was admitted to the hospital with the cancer that would ultimately take his life. After being admitted, his health rapidly declined and we didn’t think he would make it out. With many prayers and a miracle, he lived to see the birth of our sons and enjoy a few precious months with them. The night before Justin passed away, we agreed he should write letters to the boys. Up until that point we had never discussed the topic of letters, because we knew the moment we did, we were accepting he was going to die. I remember his health being particularly poor that day, and I think I knew deep down it was the last night we would be together. He didn’t even have the chance to write the letters.


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Justin and I had known each other pretty much our whole lives. We were friends in high school and even better friends in college. He always had a crush on me, but I wanted to be just friends. After writing letters back and forth during his mission, things started to change. He got home and we went on a couple dates, but timing still felt off. I ended up going on a mission a couple months later. After I got home from my mission we slowly started to talk again. Finally our timing aligned, and we started to date. We were married in May 2013, and I couldn’t have been happier with the way my life had turned out. It was easy marrying my best friend.  It felt so right, and we were so happy.

A couple months after we were married, Justin was complaining about his chest hurting. He went to urgent care, and that’s when they found the tumor. 

IT FELT LIKE THE ROOM WAS MOVING IN SLOW MOTION WHEN I HEARD THE WORD CANCER COME OUT OF THE DOCTOR’S MOUTH. HOW COULD THIS BE HAPPENING? WE WERE JUST ABOUT TO START OUR LIVES TOGETHER.

I had never been more terrified of the future. For a person with extreme anxiety, this was the worst case scenario. Within days, our lives were turned upside down. We moved back home to live with my parents, and Justin started treatments right away.

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After months of enduring chemotherapy and going through surgery to remove the tumor, the cancer was gone! I felt so free and happy! The dark cloud of despair and gloom dissipated. Justin had his life back, and we were ready to live it to the fullest.

He was in remission for less than one year when they found a new tumor on a routine scan. I was so defeated. I felt every worried emotion one could feel. I immediately thought of God. I wanted to hate Him and never turn towards Him again. All these questions started to flow through my mind: How could He let this happen? We were good people doing what we were supposed to do, right? Why would God let this come back? I was once again consumed with darkness and despair.

After taking some time to process what had just happened, I started to think about the first time Justin went through cancer.

IT WAS THEN THAT THE SPIRIT HIT ME LIKE A TON OF BRICKS: THE REASON WE MADE IT THROUGH THE FIRST TIME WAS BECAUSE OF GOD. THE HOPE WE HAD IN HIS PLAN AND THE SAVIOR WAS THE REASON WE WERE ABLE TO SURVIVE IT THE FIRST TIME. MY ANGER QUICKLY TURNED TO HOPE.
Continue Reading at The Small Seed

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  1. Meghan C. Montague says

    September 22, 2021 at 11:51 am

    You are inspiring in so many ways. My husband passed unexpectedly in our home 6 months ago. I also have twin 14 yo girls and a 16 yo girl. I am hopeful that I can remain positive some days and a role model fo my girls !
    Thank you for your blog. Your boys are gorgeous.

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welcome
Hi I’m Jenn, but my friends call me Coco. I recently lost the love of my life to cancer. I’m now a single mom of IVF miracle twin boys. I hope to help others as I share my journey as a new widow and mother of twins.

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Working on a blog post showing how I organize thei Working on a blog post showing how I organize their Lego system! So make sure you follow along and subscribe to my blog so you don’t miss it! Link in bio to subscribe! Comment “coco” to get a DM to subscribe! #lego #legoorganization #toyorganization
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Comment “Joey” to get a link to the play couch.
Comment “photo” below to see my full blog post Comment “photo” below to see my full blog post all about how to create this photoshoot at home. I link their suits and props on the blog post as well! I’d love to see the photos you take! Tag me! #easter #easterphotoshoot #easterpictures #easterpic #diyphotoshoot #kidsphotoshoot
Comment “Joey” to get a link to the play couch Comment “Joey” to get a link to the play couch! We have had so much stinkin fun with the @rooandyou play couch. We are doing obstacle courses, building forts, jumping and sliding! It’s been so much fun! #rooper #favoritefriday #playcouch #playcouchbuilds #ambassador #gifted
What’s your favorite children’s book for kids? What’s your favorite children’s book for kids? Went to the Library #libraryday #readingisfun #twins #momlife #dayinthelife

My favorite account to follow for book recommendations is @everydayreading go check them out! I love their account! ❤️
Comment “photos” to see my course. Also check Comment “photos” to see my course. Also check out my blog for more Easter Photoshoot ideas. Link in bio! #easterphotoshoot #easterphoto #diyphotoshoot #diyphotography
💔 #widow #youngwidow #single #singleparent #sin 💔 #widow #youngwidow #single #singleparent #singlemomlife #singlemoms
Comment “bed” below to get a DM with a link to Comment “bed” below to get a DM with a link to these beds and everything you see in the boys bedroom! Or link in bio @cocoscaravan #bunkbeds #boysbedroom #kidsbedroom #kidsbed #ikea #ikeakura
Why do you take photos? I’ll never stop sharing Why do you take photos? I’ll never stop sharing the importance of taking photos and saving memories! You will never regret not saving a memory! 

#photography #photos #photosareimportant #theimportanceofphotography #pictures
It can be a lonely life sometimes 💔 #grief #gri It can be a lonely life sometimes 💔 #grief #griefandloss #youngwidow
Sharing a new organizing blog post each week this Sharing a new organizing blog post each week this month! This week helping you organize and declutter your iPhone photos! Comment “photos” to get a DM with a link to my new blog post! #iphonephotos #organizephotos
I wish I had one nice photo of just me pregnant. I I wish I had one nice photo of just me pregnant. I wish I had taken a photo of Justin and I together when I was pregnant. After he got really sick I just didn’t want to take photos because it made me sad. I regret that now 💔 #takethephoto #photosarememories #photosareforever #widow #youngwidow #griefandloss #grief
I’ve been waiting for the boys to get home so we I’ve been waiting for the boys to get home so we can open our new @rooandyou No more wrestling and jumping on the couch! 🙌 so excited! #rooper
My first organization blog post for March! How to My first organization blog post for March! How to organize your tv stand! Link in stories or bio to get to blog post! #organization #videogames #videogameorganization #tvstand
My aunt and uncle took the boys to visit my parent My aunt and uncle took the boys to visit my parents in Canada this week. I was so grateful because I’ve been able to work and get some projects done at home and my parents were able to see the boys! I’ll be sending an email out Sunday sharing more pics from their time in Canada. Comment “coco” to get a DM with a link to subscribe to my blog so you won’t miss the email!
Comment “video” to get a DM to watch the full Comment “video” to get a DM to watch the full interview. #cancer #cancerandloss #griefjourney #griefandloss #cancersucks #youngwidow #regret
Comment “video” to get a DM with a link to wat Comment “video” to get a DM with a link to watch the full interview! 

A year ago today I had a once in a lifetime opportunity to fly to LA and meet Katie Couric. I also met some amazing women and we were able to talk about the toll of a cancer diagnosis. Help people feel less alone in the cancer world. @katiecouric @katiecouricmedia #cancer #cancerawareness #cancerdiagnosis
Thought I’d post on my feed because a lot of you Thought I’d post on my feed because a lot of you have said you don’t see my stories anymore.  My aunt and uncle are taking my boys to visit my parents in Canada. I wanted a break and my parents wanted to see the boys so this just worked out so well! 

Going to be getting all the stuff done this week that I’ve been wanting to do, but I hope I plan in fun/relax time as well! 

Comment “Canada” to get a DM and see the video of our last trip to Canada where my parents saw the boys for the first time since they moved. It’s so cute!
How I’ve been feeling lately 😞 it’s just to How I’ve been feeling lately 😞 it’s just too much! Anyone else feel like this? 

Maybe we aren’t suppose to be doing it all at once but when I let some things go I feel guilty. It makes sense we are meant to have a partner in life. Playing both roles is weighing on me. Hard to be mom and dad, managing the home, be the only income. At the end of the day if something needs to get done it’s on me. No one to lean on or go through it with. 😢 #singleparents #youngwidow #widow #parenting #lifequotes #quotes
#cancerawarenessmonth Comment “story” to get #cancerawarenessmonth  Comment “story” to get a DM with a link to read my story.  Cancer truly is the worst! 😭 

#cancersucks #cancer #griefandloss #lossofalovedone #fuckcancer
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cocoscaravan

Working on a blog post showing how I organize thei Working on a blog post showing how I organize their Lego system! So make sure you follow along and subscribe to my blog so you don’t miss it! Link in bio to subscribe! Comment “coco” to get a DM to subscribe! #lego #legoorganization #toyorganization
Using the @rooandyou play couch as skyscrapers and Using the @rooandyou play couch as skyscrapers and bridges! #rooper 

Comment “Joey” to get a link to the play couch.
Comment “photo” below to see my full blog post Comment “photo” below to see my full blog post all about how to create this photoshoot at home. I link their suits and props on the blog post as well! I’d love to see the photos you take! Tag me! #easter #easterphotoshoot #easterpictures #easterpic #diyphotoshoot #kidsphotoshoot
Comment “Joey” to get a link to the play couch Comment “Joey” to get a link to the play couch! We have had so much stinkin fun with the @rooandyou play couch. We are doing obstacle courses, building forts, jumping and sliding! It’s been so much fun! #rooper #favoritefriday #playcouch #playcouchbuilds #ambassador #gifted
What’s your favorite children’s book for kids? What’s your favorite children’s book for kids? Went to the Library #libraryday #readingisfun #twins #momlife #dayinthelife

My favorite account to follow for book recommendations is @everydayreading go check them out! I love their account! ❤️
Comment “photos” to see my course. Also check Comment “photos” to see my course. Also check out my blog for more Easter Photoshoot ideas. Link in bio! #easterphotoshoot #easterphoto #diyphotoshoot #diyphotography
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